Saturday, June 6, 2009

Old Friend, Long Walk, Great Talk

Ever notice how there are some people that you may not have seen for eons, yet upon meeting again, it feels as if you’ve not been apart for so incredibly long? That was the case today.

Recently, by the use of modern technology (of which I consider myself challenged) I have been fortunate enough to reconnect with some really great people. One of whom has agreed to be my new walking partner, as we are both on the weight watchers quest to lose weight and reclaim our bodies and minds.

The plan was to meet halfway at Shoreline Park this morning at 8am (an ungodly hour for me on a weekend). However, yesterday while out running a bazillion errands, the weather turned cloudy and actually began to sprinkle and I thought “Holy crap, it is June in California, what is wrong with this picture?” It also remained cold, cloudy and windy for the rest of the day. I was thinking that it would rain on my parade, so to speak, and I may have to cancel my pre-planned walk with this super cool chick that I was looking so forward to meeting up with. I even messaged her last night to share my weather concerns. But much to my delight, when I awoke this morning AT 6:30AM, the sun was shining, and I knew it was going to be an excellent day!

She was on time, as was I, and we were able to walk, talk, laugh, share, reminisce, and actually make some upcoming fun plans. We walked for about an hour at a fairly good pace, so I am sure we walked at least three miles. Next time we plan on bringing a pedometer. It was so much fun to meet up with someone that is so outgoing and true. I thought that she had not changed one bit, except for age and wisdom. It is so strange to be in my forties and realize that I have friends that I have known for decades. It is also comforting to know that people that I have not seen in over twenty years have not changed much, which leads me to thinking that these are the good ones, the keepers that were true to themselves from the start, never trying to be something they are or were not, but rather just being themselves. I LOVE THAT!

There were a couple of things worth mentioning that stood out for me. The first was the fact that we both agreed there are some people that have a distorted view of themselves. What I mean by this is the people that actually believe they are fat when there is no way in hell that they are. It seems my friend and I have the opposite affliction. We both established that we are the people that think, “Hey, I look pretty cute in this,” or “I look really good tonight.” But when looking back at pictures and realizing “Oh my God, is that what I really look like?” is a startling eye opener. It sucks. We are doing something about it and creating a positive change.

The other funny thing that happened this morning was that near the lake there are hundreds of Canada geese and they are MEAN! Not only did we have to dodge goose shit along the path, but near the lake it looked as if we came upon their prime spot and they were migrating to the water from the shore in fairly great numbers. Although we both hesitated to pass or even get closer, we joked “what is the worst thing that could happen?” and my friend confided in me her fear of birds, (and these were large MEAN birds). We decided if we had to we would run, and she said “if that happens, it’s every man for himself.” I agreed and we proceeded onward. It went well and we passed safely. It wasn’t until later when we came across several more shoreline geese when one of them actually HISSED AT US. He opened his beak, stuck out his pink tongue and hissed at us. Oh my fucking God, never in my life have I been hissed at by a goose, a Canada goose in the USA, mind you. Asshole goose! So we did what any other smart girls would do, and got out of its way. We crossed the brush and left the trail to an upper trail that was not along the lake. No matter, we were there to walk and talk, right? Well, not too much farther, we met up with another mama goose and her brood. As we approached, she was in the bushes and clearly nervous about our getting close. She then moved around towards the front of her babies and also hissed at us. My friend and I giggled nervously, but we were clearly being challenged by a goose. The mama goose even bowed down her head as if to say, “Bring it on,” and she was scary. We stopped in our tracks and had to determine what to do. We considered running past, but concurred that that would only threaten her all the more. Imagine, two middle-aged weight watchers just trying to run past her might appear to her as if we were trying to get her or something. It could have gone horribly wrong. So, in the end, we backed down and once again found a trail crossing the brush, back to the shoreline. We backed down to the mama Canada goose. It seems so sissy now, but here she is:







This beautiful time with my friend was not over yet. We walked back to the Lakehouse café and opted to have a nice latte together. We sat on the deck out in the sunshine and were able to indulge in some great conversation and laugh about our first walk together. I hope to have many more. Thanks friend, you are the best.







Wednesday, June 3, 2009

What am I so afraid of?


So today I went to see my counselor that I have seen for over three years. She is awesome and has helped me through many tough times in life. I absolutely adore her. I was talking to her about how things are going extremely well for me at this stage of my life and that conquering weight loss is my biggest challenge to date. She then said to me, "What is it you are so afraid of?" as if I had an answer for her. She said "what would be the worst thing to happen if you lose all the weight and reach goal? and I could not think of a single "worst scenario" type thing, other than having to purchase new clothes, and that would be a good thing. However it really got me thinking, is it fear of something that is holding me back? I mean, I am kind of a goal setting, list making, OCD type gal that gets things done, so why all this heartache over losing weight? Now I am in need of an answer. As I said yesterday, I know what needs to get done, and I know how to do it, so, why then do I not do it? I am not lazy. I am not afraid of hard work. I have done it before. Why then now, at my heaviest weight of life can I not get it together enough to be the best me I can be? Hmm... this is truly something for me to ponder further.

The picture above is my most recent goo looking picture. It is from my graduation day (may 21st) and in it is my mom, me and my aunt. See how tiny they are, and how not tiny I am.

I am worth it and I deserve the best in this life. I am gonna figure this out and be the best me!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

My first day on the blog!

After discovering several other fantastic Weight Watchers blogs, I have been inspired to try my own.

I cannot even fathom how many times I have joined and rejoined Weight Watchers over the years. It may seem comical, but actually is quite pathetic. I know what to do to lose weight, I know what to eat to lose weight, I know how to exercise to lose weight, and I also know through past experience that journaling really works.

My problem is that I need to get all my tools and mind in sync, working together, to make it all work for me. I also know that I am the only one that can do it. Losing weight is the only thing in this life where I feel like a failure. I have lost weight in the past successfully. The first time after the birth of my daughter, (now 19) with the help of WW, I was able to reach my goal and felt amazing. The next time, after the birth of my son (now 14), I was once again able to utilize WW to get very close to my goal and once again feel wonderful.

It has only been over the past decade of my life that I have not been able to get a grip on my weight. It really bothers me that as a functional, confident, wife, mother, and recent graduate, my weight has been my biggest drawback. I feel that if I have been able to fulfill all of the other aspects of my life well, I should be able to get this down.

Currently I am on a three week break between obtaining my BA in Liberal Studies and the start of my graduate studies program in Elementary Education. My plan is to jump start my WW plan again during this time by utilizing all of my tools and remaining true to myself. I have lost 24 pounds over the past year, very slowly. So slowly in fact that I almost titled my blog "The Lazy Loser," but opted not to in the end. I have been able to do so with WW and the support of my family.

I feel that by blogging my feelings, successes, failures, exercise plans and food journals, I should be able to be held accountable to myself in an entirely new way. I hope to connect with other like minds that are on this journey at the same time.

So far today I have had: (need to calculate points)

Breakfast:
Honey nut cheerios
Milk 2%

Lunch:
Whole wheat pita bread
1 roma tomato
reduced fat cheese grated (about 1 oz.)
Yoplait light lemon creme yogurt
Arizona pomegranate sugar free green tea

Snack:
Quaker oats breakfast cookie

Dinner:
3oz. crock pot chicken
1/2 cup mashed potatoes,
1/2 cup corn
1c. cesar salad
1c. milk