I Almost Forgot

I can't believe i forgot to add in my weight loss info into my blog yesterday.

I was feeling so good yesterday that I went out and about on my own. I went to my counseling appointment, went to Weight Watchers and then stopped in to visit a friend. I was quite tired afterwards and I think I can still feel it today, but I had been so bored for so long that I'll take a little pain for some fun.

So, I had not weighed in at Weight Watchers since July 22nd, which was exactly two months as of yesterday. I had gone on my vacation and then became ill. I was interested to see where I am at so that I can move forward in my weight loss efforts. I know that after my vacation, I gained four pounds according to my scale. I have also had various doctors appointments over the past month or so, so I knew that I was losing. I just didn't know what the numbers would show on my weight watchers scale. I was pleasantly surprised to find that from my last lowest weigh in, I was down 3.6 pounds. That means that i lost my vacation weight and then some. I am a half a pound away from a 40 pound loss since April!!! I am now more than halfway to my goal and feel confident that I will get there.

I would like to add that when I began this journey my BMI was at 36.8 and as of yesterday my BMI is at 30.7. I am not that far from the "overweight" category and that is my next goal. I need to lose four more pounds, but I am not in a hurry. I just want to see the numbers going down.

I've still not decided on a regular meeting time as I will be starting my job next week. I am thinking either Saturday or Sunday morning. Not sure, but I will definitely decide within the next week.

Wishing you all an excellent day and an even better beautiful weekend!

Good Conversation is Good for the Soul

I was thinking it’s kinda funny that I would put myself “out there” by way of this blog. I consider myself somewhat private about what I share with others and more specifically with whom I share information. I actually started blogging as a way to help myself sort out my over active mind, and also to have a place to store a connection to some of the other bloggers I was interested in. I never thought I would make my private thoughts public, or even invite others to share in my thought process. I honestly thought that no one would really care what it is that I think about, but here I am sharing my dreams, thoughts, highs, lows, excitement and humdrums with whoever cares to read and “listen.” I guess the part that is funny is that I have received a lot of positive feedback, which is both inspiring and reassuring. That being said, I am finding blogging to not only be therapeutic for myself, but I suppose it allows others to get to know me in a way that may not be possible otherwise. For now I am just going to go with it and see where this blog world leads me.

Over the past couple of days I have had many incredible conversations with some very special women in my life. I thought I could summarize and share with others the remarkable effect people have on others lives, simply by sharing words of kindness, understanding, empathy and love. Here are a few of the recent interactions I have had of late that have made a great impact on my well being.

Last week while I was awaiting the news of my pathology report, it seemed that cancer was prevalent on my mind. Although it was what everyone was thinking about, no one wanted to talk about it, especially my direct family. I was experiencing so many distractions and thoughts of “what if?” but felt shut down whenever I brought it up. Then an amazing thing happened. A friend I had not spoken with in several months called and said that I was on her mind. She asked if I was OK and wanted to come by for a visit. It really worked out well because the day she was available to come for a visit was the first day I was to be home alone since the surgery. So she came over, brought some lunch and we spent the afternoon talking and sharing our most intimate thoughts. I know she sensed that I needed to talk and she allowed me to talk about cancer and open up about all of my “what if’s?” I’m not sure if it made her uncomfortable or not, but if it did, she sure didn’t show it and ya know, it really made a difference for me. Thanks friend for praying with me and for allowing me to get that off of my mind. You are a true gem and I love you for the genuine person that you are.

Last night I had the great pleasure in sharing conversation with a very insightful, intuitive and loving woman. We found that we have many similarities in beliefs, backgrounds and future endeavors. I think she may have opened my eyes to some things that I already knew, reinforcing my own intuitive side. She definitely calmed my fears about something alarming that has happened recently, but more than that she confirmed just how bright my future really is. This conversation led me to further explore the vulnerability that I have been feeling and helped me to focus on what is really important in this life. I’ve been sensing a shift in myself/my life and it was comforting to find that it is not just some internal trauma that I am experiencing. I left our conversation with a renewed sense of being and a calm that I rarely ever feel. Thank you, my friend. The time you spent with me meant more than you know. You are appreciated immensely and I look forward to our future conversations.

Today I went to see my counselor. I had not seen her in over a month. I’ve seen her fairly regularly for the past five or six years. I started seeing her years ago when I was suffering from anxiety and panic attacks (I no longer suffer from these). There have been several times throughout the years where I have taken a break, but I always come back. I think of her as a life coach that I can share absolutely everything with. I feel as if she is an old friend that knows me well. Going to see her is something I look forward to and she has become a constant in my life. She is interested in many of the things I am interested in and she always has a wealth of knowledge to contribute to our conversations. When I graduated from college, she came to my commencement to support me. It really meant the world to me. She has always been one of my greatest cheerleaders. She has seen me at my lowest points and at my highest peaks in this life. I am grateful to her for believing in me when I did not believe in myself. She always listens so intently and she remembers everything I have ever said. She uses my own words to reinforce current thoughts and feelings. She has always guided me into trusting my gut instincts and for all of these reasons; I love her and am thankful for having her in my life. Today was no exception. We had a really nice conversation and I am looking forward to my next visit. She even had a bouquet of flowers for me of daisies and sunflowers (two of my favorites). See, she knows what I like.

Lastly, while I was out and about today I decided to stop by and visit a great friend that I had not seen in some time. I told myself if I drove by and saw her car, I would stop. I did and she was there. She was as happy to see me as I was to see her. We shared hugs, love and conversation and it made my great day even better. She is a collector of angels and a very spiritual woman. I told her that she had been on my mind and also that I could not stop thinking about angels. She then said that it was meant to be that I stopped by today. I think so too! I also think that sometimes you don’t realize just how much you miss someone until you actually see them again. I have missed you friend, your compassion, sincerity and genuine friendship. I plan on seeing you again very soon.

Now back to that shift I mentioned earlier. All of this has got me thinking. I was thinking about how I am consumed in my own thoughts at times. I consider myself lucky to have a handful of friends that are truly there for me. I was thinking about how I am usually quite private and choose not to share my real thoughts with many people. I sometimes think that I don’t really have many friends. I think I am somewhat guarded and difficult to get to know. I sometimes think that there are very few people that I actually trust and even fewer that I could/would rely upon for anything worthwhile. But somehow, something inside me is shifting. I can feel it. I feel that after these past several days, these past several conversations I may just be changing my views of myself and my friendships. I think the people that have taken the time to be part of my life and actually get to know me are the ones that are going to be around for a long, long time…and for that I am thankful.

Inch by Inch, Row by Row

I am feeling a little bit better each day. I really thought that I would recover much quicker than this. I did have a small setback. One of my incisions started to become infected. I think I caught it early enough though. I’m on antibiotics and feeling less achy. I went in yesterday for what I thought was my follow up appointment, but it turned out to be just a quick check of the incisions, along with cleaning the wound that was in question. My doctor assured me that everything looked good and that we could talk further today. My original follow up appointment is scheduled for today, so back I will go to Kaiser. It’s OK. It gave me another excuse to actually get dressed and made up.

I think the toughest part of recovering is boredom. I have essentially done nothing for weeks now. I really cannot wait to go back to work, have others to talk to and keep busy again.

I should say that I am blessed beyond belief in that I have so many wonderful friends and family that have offered words of kindness and company. It has helped to pass my boring days. Also this week, although boring, is far better than last week. For one, I am mobile and also my anxiety has diminished as I am no longer in wait of cancer news, so life is good. I think it won’t be long before things are back to normal again.

Beyond all that, I have not abandoned my weight loss efforts, but rather modified them some. Though I have not been to Weigh Watchers in over a month, my plan is to continue using Weight Watchers as my main source of accountability, group meetings and support. I feel that with the 40 pounds I have lost so far, I am well on my way to reaching my goal. Actually according to the BMI chart, I am only 3 pounds away from merely “overweight” as compared to “obese.” So that is my most current goal. I also have lost ten pounds since returning from my vacation (four of those are the four I had gained from the trip) so actually I am down six more pounds from my lowest, placing me at a 40 pound loss.

I’ve not decided which WW meeting I will be able to attend on a regular basis. I really love the Friday meeting I was attending. The leader was great and the group was also really cool. I am thinking though that I will go to a meeting tomorrow if I am feeling up to it, giving me a renewed sense of accountability. I may switch to a weekend morning meeting because I like to weigh in early, before eating, at the same time, same scale, same place each week. I only know I am down ten pounds because the scale at my doctor’s office shows me at my lowest weight in over a decade. I wonder if the WW scale will be close in accuracy. I know my home scale weighs me higher than the WW one.

I’ll let you all know tomorrow.

Gotta run, off to that appointment and then having an afternoon visit with Grandma and Gramps-

Cheers-

Lisa

Good News!

My pathology report came back clean. Absolutely everything was cancer free, the appendix, fallopian tube, ovary, uterus AND the mysterious cysts.

It turns out the cysts are a very rare condition called mesothelial cysts or benign cystic mesothelioma. My doctor said that there are under 900 cases ever documented in history, and that is why she or the other doctors had never seen them before.

I am blessed in that she called me late yesterday evening, preventing me from having to wait over the weekend for results. She was so thorough and professional that I have requested her to be my primary OBGYN doctor, and she said that she would be honored to be my doctor.

My follow up appointment is next Wednesday and I am composing a list of questions and concerns to go over with her. Until then, I am slowly recovering and taking things very, very slow.

Since I am feeling a huge relief I thought I would share a bit about my new job. Since there are not many jobs available for teachers (especially new teachers) I accepted a part time position in a third grade class as an assistant. I accepted this position for several reasons. First, a part time position working with children is better than no position and it means a regular paycheck will be coming in. Second, I fell in love with the people that run the private school I am working at. I felt an immediate connection and a sense of belonging. I know this may sound/seem a bit crazy, but it is absolutely true. I wanted to work there at that school with those people more than anything. They also said that they are planning on expanding next year by adding another kindergarten, another first grade and another second grade classroom and that I would have first dibs on one of these openings. I figured that if I were hired in the public school setting, I would be one of the first people pink slipped in the springtime. So not only am I going to be able to work at the school I fell in love with, in a classroom with third graders that I adore, for people that are incredibly open minded, kind and understanding, but also with the promise of opportunity! It is all good and I am so pleased that they liked me as much as I liked them.

Now for the most amazing part of all… after I was diagnosed with abnormalities and told I needed surgery I had to call my new boss and tell her that I would need to take some time off (even before I ever started). I cannot believe her amazing response and how kind hearted she was to me. She initially said that she would cover the first two weeks, allowing me time to feel better and to schedule my surgery. She then said that she thought I may need more time off that the original two weeks. Of course since then I have needed more time off. I just finished missing my third week off work. I planned on going back on Monday, even though I am still hurting. Well she called earlier this week and said that although they really want me, they want me to be 100% before I commit to coming in daily. I said that I felt bad that they were probably scrambling to cover my shift and she assured me that that was not my problem and they have it covered. She doesn’t want me to return until at least after my follow up appointment this coming Wednesday. I promised her that I am worth the wait.

Remarkable!

It absolutely solidifies that I made the right decision in wanting to work for these people/school. I mean, had I taken on a job in the public school system I would have already been replaced by one of the other 300 people looking for each open position. So I think I am taking off one more week, but I really can’t wait to go back to work. I truly believe that little people keep me young:)

Wow, am I thankful. I am thankful for not having cancer. I am thankful for a speedy recovery. I am thankful for my job and the kindness of the people there. I am thankful for all of your prayers, but mostly I am thankful being able to continue living this great life of mine!

My Health-Weight Loss Just Doesn't Seem Important Anymore

I’m not really sure where to begin, so I am just gonna start to type and see where I go.

After my vacation, I came home to two interviews and felt pretty great about it all. I knew which position I really wanted and which one I was not interested in. In the end it turned out great and I was offered the position I really wanted, at the school I wanted, and with third graders that I adore.

Shortly after accepting my position, I started feeling really bad. I was suffering with the most excruciating pelvic and abdominal pain and pressure. It was hurting so much that I needed to call and be seen. I went in on a Thursday for examination. My own doctor was not available until the following Monday so I was given the choice to be seen by a nurse practitioner, or to wait until Monday. I chose to be seen immediately. At my appointment, the nurse determined that I needed a vaginal ultrasound, which I quickly declined because several years ago I had the same procedure with a very insensitive male technician. And in the end, it came back inconclusive because they could not even locate my left ovary and fallopian tube. At that time, it was left at that… So at this appointment I asked the nurse if there was another way of checking me out and she said no. She then went on to schedule an appointment for the ultrasound, and in my mind I had no intention of returning and following through. I actually thought to myself “you can go ahead and make the appointment, but I am not going.” However, she sent me down to have it done immediately. Her assistant brought in the recommended water I was to drink while she waited and watched. I had no way out. I then went down and registered for the ultrasound and waited in the lobby for over an hour when I got up to say that I had decided not to stay and follow through. Funny thing though, he said it was my turn right then and there. I tried to escape this ultrasound twice, but ultimately had to have it done, and this time by a very sensitive and sweet older lady.

The following morning, my doctor called to say that my left fallopian tube was filled with fluid and that the ovary was possibly damaged. I needed to have it surgically removed asap as it was quite large and was the cause of all of my suffering. She sent me the report via email and she also explained that it was 9cm X 5cm X 4.5cm and that anything over 5cm needed surgical removal. She also said that she injured her hand and would not be able to perform the surgery herself. I was referred to one of her trusted colleagues.

Honestly, I was scared and scared of ovarian cancer more than anything. I don’t think I have ever mentioned this, but I have narrowly escaped several types of cancers over the past five years. In 2007, I had my first mammogram that produced abnormalities and I had to have mild ductal hyperplasia (abnormal pre-cancerous cells) removed from my right breast. I have also had basal cell carcinoma (non threatening skin cancer) removed from my right shoulder. Other cancer scares include gum and mouth cancer biopsies as well as a lip biopsy last year. So it seems that cancer is always on my mind.

The new office called to set up a surgery consultation for the following week. I am a nut about thoroughness and I had plenty of time to think, so over the week I made an extensive list of questions. She turned out to be very well educated (Stanford) and incredibly personable. I honestly fell in love with her personality, her honesty and her professionalism. We talked about my female health history that includes one very serious, life threatening incident after the birth of my youngest child. (In short I almost died from hemorrhaging after child birth and have since never had another menstrual cycle). She found it unacceptable that it was never followed up on as time passed. She wanted to biopsy my uterus as well. This means that she was going to use laparoscopic surgery to remove my left fallopian tube, possibly my left ovary and now she was adding another procedure to the mix, a hysteroscopy of the uterus. She explained that all of this would take approximately two hours of surgery time. WOW, I was scared. She also reassured me that she would check everything while she was in surgery. We talked about ovarian cancer and the possibility of it happening to me. Although I was afraid of all of this, I felt a little bit relieved and almost validated for all of my complaints over the years. I felt as if I was finally going to have some type of closure, and I was hopeful that she would remove all of the hurty stuff and I would feel like my best self again.

My surgery was scheduled for the following week, which meant I had another week of waiting and still hurting. I was scheduled to go in at 10am on 9/9. My surgery was scheduled for 12-2pm.

I arrived on time and all seemed well. It took the nurse four separate tries and four separate needles to get my IV going. Then my surgery got pushed out by two hours, so all I could do was wait. In my mind I knew that if I went in at 2pm, I should be out by 4pm, however when I was woken up, it was 6:30pm and there was apparently some kind of complication and my appendix needed removal as well. I was told that she found some sort of mucus filled sacs in my abdomen. She said that during her 9 years of surgery, she had never seen anything like this before. She consulted with another OBGYN, who had also never seen anything like this before. A general surgeon was then called in who said that it could possibly be the result of an appendix abnormality, so my appendix was also removed. I was under anesthesia for 4.5 hours having my left fallopian tube, left ovary, appendix and 11-15 mucus filled sacs removed from my abdomen along with various biopsies. Boy was I sore…and confused.

My mom, husband and children have been very supportive and helpful. I have mainly been resting, sleeping, sitting, sleeping and sitting and bored as can be. My doctor called on Monday to check in on me. She said that not all of the mucus sacs could be removed because they were in a dangerous area. She also said that they don’t yet know what it is. She explained that the general surgeon said that sometimes the appendix produces these sacs and that they can be cancerous, and that cancer of the appendix is very rare. She also said that my pathology report should come back sometime mid-week, but here I am on Thursday afternoon and have not yet heard from her. I cannot tell you how painfully agonizing it is to wait and wait some more.

As of now, this is all I know. I know that I am so scared of cancer and I just want to hear back from my doctor very soon.

So, this is where I have been, what I have been doing, and why I have been MIA.

Please pray for me-

Lisa

Hawaii and More

I have been MIA for over a month and although it has been on my mind to put my thoughts to writing, I have either not had the time or not been feeling well. A lot has happened to me during the month of August.

First, I went on a fantastic vacation with my family. My sweet husband brought seven of us on a fun trip to Hawaii. Each of my children brought a guest. Sarah brought her boyfriend, Kevin, whom we all love. Alex brought his best buddy, Michael, who is a real sweetie and tons of fun to have around. Glenn and I brought my mom and it felt so great to bring her along because I know she had the best time, and we ALL enjoyed her company!

We spent three nights in Oahu at the Hilton Hawaiian Village. It was great because both of my children, as well as their guests speak Japanese and there is a large population of Japanese on the island. (We’ve actually hosted three Japanese exchange students and have sent our children on school trips to Japan) The kids were able to find plenty of choices for good sushi and all of the Japanese treats that they enjoy. We even all went out one night for great sushi and the kids made a new little friend, Hotaro, while singing silly Japanese songs, speaking broken Japanese, and playing silly Japanese games.

While on Oahu, my mom, Glenn and I took public transportation to Pearl Harbor. It is quite the memorial. It is both somber and breathtaking. All of the memorabilia in the museum is amazing to see. My favorite things were the taped accounts of people that were actually there on the island, the photographs and the movie I saw in the large auditorium before actually going to the USS Arizona Memorial. I learned that Elvis Presley has a fundraiser concert to raise money to help build the memorial. I also learned that it is maintained to this day by the Navy. It is so much to absorb and process while visiting. I do think it is something that any American and beyond should see at least once in their lifetime. I am glad that I went as this was my third visit to Oahu, yet my first visit to Pearl Harbor.

We also spent a day at Sea Life Park, so Sarah and I could swim with the dolphins again, but this time we were able to take some dolphin virgins along. Sarah and I were both interested in doing this again, as it is almost a spiritual thing. I think the dolphins know what we are feeling and thinking. They are amazing creatures and I will swim and touch them at every opportunity. We couldn’t convince my mom to do it, and Glenn and Alex have had to do this with Sarah and me several times on other vacations, so they were not interested in participating. So, we brought Kevin and Michael along. Of course they loved it and had a great time. I think it brings out the best in everybody.

After Oahu, we boarded our ship, The Pride of America, for our Hawaiian cruise. It was the best fun. We spent the next seven nights cruising the islands of Hawaii and I would do it all over if given the opportunity, just so I could experience the beauty, fun, family and kindness of others. The first night we all got used to the layout and mechanics of the ship. At our muster station meeting, Kevin began to play the piano on the way out. He is classically trained and absolutely amazing. The dining room manager invited him back to play on formal night. So, for the next couple evenings, he and Sarah went to practice on the grand piano. It was pretty cool, and when he finally did perform, we of course videotaped so we could share the pride with his own parents.

Our first overnight stay was in Maui. On one of these days, I drank too much at the pool and danced like a fool on the deck, along with my partner in crime, Mom. Again, it was all in fun and I ultimately switched to water, but I can tell you that I made good friends with my pool deck waiters. We kinda split up in Maui and the kids all stayed together hunting for the best sushi.

It’s funny, even though the kids could do whatever they wanted and eat whenever they chose to; they chose to eat with us, as a group, every single night. So every night we dressed up and went to the dining room together. It was great because we could also decide what we were all doing afterwards, as there were shows, dances and fun things to choose from. Most nights we all did things together, but since there were so many choices, we sometimes split up. For instance, Sarah and Kevin were interested in seeing this improv group that I really wasn’t interested in seeing. Glenn and Mom and I mostly hung together, but when Glenn got tired and pooped out, I was happy to have Mom. She never tires and was always up for anything.

After Maui, we docked in Hilo on the Big Island. We had pre-arranged for a van since we were a party of seven, so we could sight see. First stop-BIG ISLAND CANDY...oh my goodness. This place is too much for me. I mostly wanted to get my dog sitter something special, and I did. The old me would have bought and eaten the chocolate dipped shortbread cookies. However, the new slimmer me put some serious thought into this dilemma. In the end, I opted out of purchasing anything for myself. Honestly I prefer to have enjoyed the sample I was given and pass on all of the delicious calories. It wasn’t easy, and it took a lot of self talk, but once I left that place, I didn’t miss the goodies one bit. We then traveled to Akaka Falls where they have this 1 mile loop trail leading through the beautiful rainforest to the stunning view of the falls. Even though it was raining, and we were not prepared, it was still warm and we did not care. We had a fantastic time, made some great memories, soaked in all of the beauty and took many gorgeous pictures. It felt like we were at the heart of Hawaii; truly remarkable. We then went to a local place for lunch and headed towards the botanical gardens. Hilo was fairly rural and untouched. I imagine it is what Hawaii is meant to be.

The next day we went to the opposite side of the Big Island to Kona. Of course, we had to lunch at the Kona Brewing Company. We made friends with the shop kitty and dubbed her “Kona.” Sarah and Kevin went snorkeling, the boys took the tender back to the ship to hang with their teen club friends, and Mom and I shopped for white dresses for the white hot party that night (with success). We also swam and played on the beach with Glenn for a while.

Our next day was in Kauai and it was my absolute favorite! All I can say is WOW! We again had a van so we could all travel together. On this day we stopped at the grocery store and loaded up with beer, drinks, snax and lunchy stuff. We knew we were headed to the north shore in search on Hanalei. We ultimately found it and I think it was the most spectacular beach I have ever been to. Glenn and I are definitely planning on heading back to Kauai next year, by ourselves. We spent our entire day lunching, swimming and playing at Hanalei. Someone later told me that Puff the Magic Dragon was written about that particular spot (Hana Lee). Who knows? Either way, it was the most magical place I have EVER been. I didn’t want to leave. Kauai is where I want to spend more time with my sweetheart. I’m already looking into resorts for next year.

The next day was our final full day, and we never left the ship. We were still in Kauai, but were set to sail at 1pm, so we opted to party and celebrate vacation. Once the ship set sail, we sailed along the Napali coast along the shores of Kauai, and boy oh boy did that solidify for me that Kauai is the most beautiful island. It was absolutely majestic and phenomenal. I have never seen anything like that before and I was definitely in awe. Our last night on the ship was equally as entertaining and I think that cruising is a nice way to get a little taste of several of the islands. Ad I can’t believe that I have not mentioned until now just how extraordinary the staff and crew were. We loved them, and I think I may have made some lifetime friends in the staff. (I’ll get into the coincidences later)

Our trip was tons of fun. There is just too much to share. I think I’ve already written over 1500 words in my short blog post. I was going to elaborate on my other stuff from August, but will have to wait until next post.

OH YEAH! I only gained 4 pounds and have lost them already. Yay, yay, yay for me!

Also, I got the job I wanted (more on this later).

And lastly, I am having some serious health issues that are requiring surgery next week. I promise to elaborate on this over the weekend sometime, but it is the true reason I have not written since I have returned home.

I promise, promise, promise to update later this weekend-

~Live, love, laugh and lose,

Lisa

Our first night. Mom, Michael, me and Glenn
Big Island Candy with everyone.
Kona Brewing Company with everyone.
Dining room with everyone
White Hot Party, Mom and I
Hanalei Bay, Kauai, Alex, me, Glenn and Sarah
Kauai on pool deck with Glenn
Unplanned leopard stuff, me, Sarah and Mom
Napali coast with Glenn