I'm Still Here

I’ve not disappeared.

I’m still here, plugging along, working on feeling my best and continuing to be the best me I can be.

Since I have returned from my vacation, I have gained and lost-gained and lost the SAME 6 POUNDS at least three times. As of last week, I am fully recommitted to my Weight Watchers plan. I am still in search of the best meeting and time, but I have not given up.

I have also had a little bit of a recurrence in my health issues, but I don’t feel the need to elaborate just now. I will say that the week prior to Thanksgiving I was required to have an additional ultrasound due to some crappy circumstances, but again, it turned out to be OK. For now, I am just hoping that all will remain clean and I will not need to have another uterine biopsy, so please send out love and light in my direction.

My Thanksgiving was wonderful. For the first time ever, we decided to go out to eat at Mariani’s, as I wasn’t feeling like shopping and cooking this year. It was truly magnificent. I was able to sleep in, drink my coffee slowly while watching the parade and actually take my time in getting ready. My brother and his girlfriend also came along. We didn’t have to set up or clean up, just show up. It felt absolutely brilliant! I did have my share of mimosas and champagne, which is a little unusual, but definitely fun.

Glenn turned forty eight last weekend and we helped him clean up the garage, per his birthday request. It was super low key. He wanted me to make him some chicken fajitas, sugar cookies and gingerbread cookies, so that’s what I did!

The most exciting thing that is currently happening in my life right now is that for about five years I have been composing books for children with the thought that I would someday become a published author. I don’t ever mention it because it has always seemed like more of a hobby or simply a dream as opposed to a reality. Lately though things have been changing, I’ve been meeting people that have not only encouraged me to pursue this dream, but have actually helped me to make some connections in the publishing world. I have not one, but two upcoming meetings with some reputable children’s authors and publishers in the next week or so. Each meeting is a little bit different, for different aspects of writing, but both are avenues to obtaining the same outcome. The thought of all this actually happening for me is completely consuming. I suppose if I were never to try, I would never know.

It’s funny where life leads you. You just need to be aware of the signs, follow the leads and “trust” that inner guidance because that “gut feeling” is real.

Follow your dreams, shoot for the stars and never ever stop believing in your highest potential.

Cheers until next time-

Lisa

October Came and Went So Quickly

It seems that every time I have meant to sit down and type up something new, my time becomes consumed or I am too tired to do so. It’s not that I have nothing going on, or have nothing to report (because I always do); I am still not in the habit of blogging. I really am trying to be consistent.

October may just be my favorite month of all. It represents the coming of fall for me (which happens to be my favorite season of all), the anniversary of our wedding day, my birthday, Halloween and promise of the coming holidays. It seems that October is the shifting point of the year for me and I absolutely love it! I should also mention that here in the bay area, October is the most amazing month for weather. To the north, San Francisco has clear, fogless days and to the south, Santa Cruz has sunny beach days that bring the magnificent ocean animals in close to the shore, such as the humpback whales and the dolphins. October is fantastic!

This October was no exception. Though I am still on the mend, I have enjoyed my past few weeks immensely. Our anniversary was kinda uneventful, but that was my choice. We ordered pizza, watched movies in our comfy pj’s and simply enjoyed each other’s company, and talked about how pleased we are with how our lives have turned out thus far. We are both thankful and blessed in this life.

My job has continued to become a place of solace and refuge. It really has been amazing to experience so many good things in one place. I have definitely bonded with all of the children in my class, as well as with the teacher I am working with and the other staff members. But beyond that I have been able to create several art pieces that I am quite proud of. My most favorite thing of all so far is a ceramic pumpkin that I was able to make. She has a glamorous face and she is so shiny and beautiful. I’ve never made anything quite like this before! The school has a kiln for ceramics! I feel like being there is allowing me to be nurtured in the perfect way. I have also been able to put my tutoring and language arts skills to use as I have been doing all of the reading assessments for the students. It is working out perfectly, because since I am not juggling my time between teaching the class and assessing, I have more time to invest and I can absolutely individualize each and every student’s needs. I really cannot say enough good things about my job. The Mulberry School is magical!

My birthday was also last week and it was celebrated in the perfect Lisa kind of way. My children made me some pink cupcakes and again we ordered pizza because it was a work day and I have been tired upon my return each day. I spent a small bundle on some books I have been wanting and also treated myself to this crystal, chakra pendant I have had my eye on. I also had a reading done at my favorite metaphysical bookstore. Glenn, Sarah and Alex gave me some other books I had on my list, so I’ve got a lot of reading material on the horizon. Then on the weekend, we went out to the Fish Market (one of my favorite restaurants) to celebrate with family and friends. It is also Sarah’s boyfriend Kevin’s birthday the day after mine. I turned 44 and he turned 22. I thought this was meaningful in that he is now half my age, or I am twice his age. Either way, we all had fun and enjoyed our nice dinner celebration.

Halloween is always fun. I especially love the fact that I work at an elementary school because I get to see all of the sweeties in their costumes. They are all so excited to look like their favorite princess or superhero. What comes to mind as a favorite costume this year was a little girl dressed up as Rapunzel. She had the most beautiful handmade wig of long, wavy, blondish hair with flowers infused throughout. It was gorgeous and she looked like a real live princess. I went this year as Fiona (minus the green skin) from Shrek because I have the perfect green Renaissance dress. I really wanted to be Mary Poppins, but I could not find the perfect overcoat and was not in the best shape for shopping around this year. Maybe next year I will either be Mary Poppins or the Tooth Fairy. Alex went as a Rabbi and Sarah and Kevin went as bats. Glenn wore the same creepy mask he’s been wearing for years to hand out candy.

October has also brought me some new acquaintances that are fun. At Mulberry, I have met many nice and friendly people, but there are a few that stand out as favorites. I’ve even been invited to audition for adult theater, so who knows, maybe I’ll do it. Aside from school, I’ve made some great connections to a handful of people in the metaphysical community I have been spending my time with.

Now though with October behind me, I’ve got November to consider and I am feeling more like myself each and every day.

A couple of things I am working on include:

-My continued weight loss efforts

-The Story of Glenn and Lisa

-Angels and Spirituality

-A Sense of Belonging

-Fibromyalgia (my take on it)

-Future Endeavors

So, I will leave you all with a wish for a peaceful and fulfilling upcoming holiday season.

Live, love, laugh and light-

Lisa

What’s New With You? Well, Let Me Tell You…

Today is the first day I have felt great from beginning to end, without some kind of ache or pain. It has been almost five weeks since my surgery and I have been doing a whole bunch of nothing beyond my half-day-work-day. My life has felt somewhat uneventful since the surgery and I feel as if I have been on pause for a little while. I cannot express how grateful I am to have been working a short day. It has made a huge difference in my recovery due to the fact that I have been able to come home, eat some lunch and then take some time to rest before my family comes home. I know it sounds boring as hell, and it has been, but it is exactly what I needed. After working five hours, I am ready for some down time. It is evident to me that rebuilding my stamina is going to consume much of my winter.

Another thing, I have not been able to wear my beloved Levi’s jeans in some time and I sure miss them. I have tried to sneak them back into my life on a couple of occasions, only to find that either the waistband or pocket rivets rub against one of my incisions causing more pain. So I am currently content to wear dresses each and every day until I feel better. I have said it before and I am going to say it again, but I did not think that recovery was going to be so time consuming. However, after speaking to many others on the recovery time for abdominal surgery, I don’t feel so bad. I’ve heard that it will take six to eight weeks to feel better. I’ve also heard that one month of recovery per hour of surgery is common; I’ve also read on some forums that it can take up to a FULL YEAR to feel my best again! Since I actually had four procedures and was under anesthesia for almost five hours, I am going to say that I am doing quite well. I almost rode my bike today, but backed out at the last minute. I am feeling like a chicken. I don’t want to hurt myself, but I also have a tendency to feel great, do too much and then have a setback. I refuse to let that happen this time around. I hurt myself a couple of weeks ago lifting Max up onto the bed. I’m trying to take the best care of me so that I can sign up for that next round of pilates that is coming around in late November. I also have my eye on a yoga class at Kaiser. I figure I can go at my own pace and slowly build myself back up. I need to get rid of this bloat that I am experiencing.

On another note, ya know that poem that describes friendships as a reason, a season or a lifetime? Well I have had the best experience and I take nothing as chance. I am one of those people that believe everything happens for a reason, even if I am not sure what that reason is at the time. I see signs and receive confirmation of feelings in things I observe around me every day. However, once in a while something happens that is so crystal clear, it needs no question. Here is what happened recently:

I am new at The Mulberry School so I am meeting new people every day. During my first week, maybe even my first day I met this really nice woman who is a parent at the school. We were both on the playground at recess time and we introduced ourselves, shared a little chit-chat. I explained that I was the new third grade aide, and she explained that she was an OBGYN surgeon. WOW! (This is where the reason falls into place) How incredible is this? I could not resist the urge to tell her a bit of my story and she was familiar with both Ashermans Syndrome and the most recent, Benign Cystic Mesothelioma. She said that in her twenty years of surgery, she had only seen the BCM once. We spoke of recovery time and some other things and left it at that. Afterwards I could not stop thinking about it. I wondered if it was her patient that had the BCCM and if she had followed up or done any long term maintenance. When I saw her next, I asked that very thing and she said that it was not her patient so she had no information to share. She did have a suggestion for me though. I explained that since it is so rare and undocumented, I was having a tough time finding much information about it. She said that she would be returning to work the following week and would be happy to look it up on her medical database at work and email me all of her findings. Well, that was last week and she followed through and emailed me all of the info she found. She also said that if I sent her my medical record number, she would send all of my stuff over to the OBGYN oncologist for review and share a new doctor opinion with me. How wonderful is that? My concern was that from what I could find, it said that this is possibly caused by prior surgery or trauma. Both of which I suffered after the birth of my youngest child over sixteen years ago. I have actually complained of many maladies over the years that have gone unexplained. I found that the real only treatment is surgical removal, and that the recurrence rate is over fifty percent, suggesting that long term monitoring is ideal for the patient. My doctor really wasn’t sure of the long term monitoring part. She seemed to think that since most of it was removed, I need not worry about it any further. Now that I have some reputable information to present her with, I imagine I will have no problem requesting a CT or ultrasound yearly or whenever needed.

Lastly, I am also on pause when it comes to my weight loss. When I went back to Weight Watchers, I had lost 3.6 pounds, the following week I gained two, and this past week I gained one more, so I am essentially right where I was three weeks ago. I’m not sure if it is my body readjusting after the surgery, my lack of exercise, sheer laziness or a combination of all three. What I do know is that I am not/have not/will not give up! I am still more than halfway to my goal and I am confident that it is going to “click” for me again real soon. I am currently studying the principles of the South Beach Diet as it is a low carbohydrate plan that incorporates lots of healthy foods including dairy and fruit. I really cannot imagine living on dehydrated food for much longer. I don’t even think I can bring myself to eat any more of the Medifast food in the cabinet. I tried to start over a couple weeks ago, and I just can’t do it. I was hungry, grouchy and not satisfied. Until then I have been logging my food intake into a journal, eating something healthy every three hours, weighing in at Weight Watchers weekly and maintaining my weight. When I figure it all out, I’ll be sure and let you all now.

I want to also mention that this past Friday was my 22^nd wedding anniversary to Glenn. I planned on writing a blog entitled “The Story of Glenn and Lisa,” but I have been tired upon my return from work each day and never made the time to get it done. I am thinking I still will get that written up, as I am now feeling better. I even turned down a dinner date out on our anniversary, because I wasn’t feeling my best. I’ll tell you, once I feel better; I will have plenty of fun time to make up.

Until next time, here is an oldie picture of Glenn and I on our wedding day, 10/7/89

New Things Happening

My week has passed quickly and I have a few new things to share. First, I was able to start my new job and I like it very much. It seems that everyone there seems to share in the magic. In other words, they are ALL amazingly kind, genuine and welcoming. I’m still feeling it is a great match for me and I am pleased to be part of it all. The class I am working in is full of really smart and friendly children (heavy on boys) that I am enjoying spending my time with. A half day goes by really quickly and for the time being, I am grateful for that as I am not completely back to my best self.

I’m also glad that I do not have to leave Maxi and Roscoe in crates all day long.

As for health and healing, my week has been up and down. By Tuesday and Wednesday I was feeling REALLY good, so much so that I think I pushed myself too far. Wednesday I had a super long day, in that directly after working I needed to pick up Alex from school for an appointment and we ended up getting home kinda late. By then I was definitely tired. I really need to build up my stamina. After doing nothing but resting and relaxing for six weeks, I tire quite easily. It is a frustration because I want to feel like my old self again and be able to do all of the things I like to do, but I am just not there yet. Anyways, I’m not sure if was the heavy bag I’ve been carrying around, or the tight windows I’ve been pushing up and down here, or if it was when I lifted Maxi boy up onto my bed (most likely this), but I definitely hurt myself and disrupted the healing process somehow. I was feeling so good and thought that the worst was over, but nope…I still need to take it slow for a while. So, I ended up missing Friday of this past week. I feel guilty because I am still just getting started, but I could barely bend over or even sit in a bendy position. Thursday was a bit tougher than the previous days and I was really hurting. Thursday night was even worse. My plan was to continue resting, dose up on motrin and tough it out on Friday, after all it is only a half day. Glenn has been going into work later to help me with all of our “morning stuff.” I wasn’t getting around very well come Friday morning. It was then that Glenn that persuaded me to call in and take the day off. He said that I was in surgery for almost 5 hours and I could not expect to feel “good as new” in such a short time. He said that I need to be patient and allow myself the time I need, however long it takes. However, three weeks doesn’t feel like a short time to me. I was feeling so much better earlier in the week, so I obviously did something I shouldn’t have. Again, I cannot convey the compassion I received from my boss. I LOVE THAT PLACE! (and the people, of course)

Since then I have just taken it easy, iced up and dosed myself with the heavy duty motrin. I anticipate feeling much better by the time Monday rolls around. I’m still suffering from severe boredom. I keep dreaming up all these fun things to do that will just have to wait. For instance, Glenn and I had spoken of going to Disneyland for our 22^nd anniversary, which is next weekend, but I don’t see that happening. For some reason I am feeling that I will need 6-8 weeks post-op to feel better again. Maybe by my birthday at the end of the month we can plan something grand. It is always wonderful to have something to look forward to.

As for my weight loss efforts, they have not been dismissed, rather shelved temporarily. I think I have decided on attending the Sunday morning Weight Watchers meeting. I like to be part of the camaraderie and have some accountability, so I really need the meeting. I already know that I will like this meeting because I am familiar with the leader. Her name is Jennifer and she has lost over 100 pounds! So, she can talk the talk AND walk the walk. I’m actually looking forward to going tomorrow. I think I may have a small gain this week because I’ve not been very careful, but I am OK with that. No surprises here. I am just impressed with myself for making it this far, more than halfway to my goal. At this point I am all about taking my time and being consistent. Slow and steady wins the (non) race. I am still planning on locating a book that consists of cancer fighting foods so that I can consciously incorporate them into my daily life. I also know that my body functions best on lower carbohydrate meal plans and when eating any carbs, I definitely need the whole grain type. (Is there such a thing as whole grain cupcakes? Have I mentioned that I love cupcakes?)

All I do know for sure is that I will not give up until I reach my goal, and I know in my heart that I will reach my goal.

Until next time-

Light and love,

~Lisa

I Almost Forgot

I can't believe i forgot to add in my weight loss info into my blog yesterday.

I was feeling so good yesterday that I went out and about on my own. I went to my counseling appointment, went to Weight Watchers and then stopped in to visit a friend. I was quite tired afterwards and I think I can still feel it today, but I had been so bored for so long that I'll take a little pain for some fun.

So, I had not weighed in at Weight Watchers since July 22nd, which was exactly two months as of yesterday. I had gone on my vacation and then became ill. I was interested to see where I am at so that I can move forward in my weight loss efforts. I know that after my vacation, I gained four pounds according to my scale. I have also had various doctors appointments over the past month or so, so I knew that I was losing. I just didn't know what the numbers would show on my weight watchers scale. I was pleasantly surprised to find that from my last lowest weigh in, I was down 3.6 pounds. That means that i lost my vacation weight and then some. I am a half a pound away from a 40 pound loss since April!!! I am now more than halfway to my goal and feel confident that I will get there.

I would like to add that when I began this journey my BMI was at 36.8 and as of yesterday my BMI is at 30.7. I am not that far from the "overweight" category and that is my next goal. I need to lose four more pounds, but I am not in a hurry. I just want to see the numbers going down.

I've still not decided on a regular meeting time as I will be starting my job next week. I am thinking either Saturday or Sunday morning. Not sure, but I will definitely decide within the next week.

Wishing you all an excellent day and an even better beautiful weekend!

Good Conversation is Good for the Soul

I was thinking it’s kinda funny that I would put myself “out there” by way of this blog. I consider myself somewhat private about what I share with others and more specifically with whom I share information. I actually started blogging as a way to help myself sort out my over active mind, and also to have a place to store a connection to some of the other bloggers I was interested in. I never thought I would make my private thoughts public, or even invite others to share in my thought process. I honestly thought that no one would really care what it is that I think about, but here I am sharing my dreams, thoughts, highs, lows, excitement and humdrums with whoever cares to read and “listen.” I guess the part that is funny is that I have received a lot of positive feedback, which is both inspiring and reassuring. That being said, I am finding blogging to not only be therapeutic for myself, but I suppose it allows others to get to know me in a way that may not be possible otherwise. For now I am just going to go with it and see where this blog world leads me.

Over the past couple of days I have had many incredible conversations with some very special women in my life. I thought I could summarize and share with others the remarkable effect people have on others lives, simply by sharing words of kindness, understanding, empathy and love. Here are a few of the recent interactions I have had of late that have made a great impact on my well being.

Last week while I was awaiting the news of my pathology report, it seemed that cancer was prevalent on my mind. Although it was what everyone was thinking about, no one wanted to talk about it, especially my direct family. I was experiencing so many distractions and thoughts of “what if?” but felt shut down whenever I brought it up. Then an amazing thing happened. A friend I had not spoken with in several months called and said that I was on her mind. She asked if I was OK and wanted to come by for a visit. It really worked out well because the day she was available to come for a visit was the first day I was to be home alone since the surgery. So she came over, brought some lunch and we spent the afternoon talking and sharing our most intimate thoughts. I know she sensed that I needed to talk and she allowed me to talk about cancer and open up about all of my “what if’s?” I’m not sure if it made her uncomfortable or not, but if it did, she sure didn’t show it and ya know, it really made a difference for me. Thanks friend for praying with me and for allowing me to get that off of my mind. You are a true gem and I love you for the genuine person that you are.

Last night I had the great pleasure in sharing conversation with a very insightful, intuitive and loving woman. We found that we have many similarities in beliefs, backgrounds and future endeavors. I think she may have opened my eyes to some things that I already knew, reinforcing my own intuitive side. She definitely calmed my fears about something alarming that has happened recently, but more than that she confirmed just how bright my future really is. This conversation led me to further explore the vulnerability that I have been feeling and helped me to focus on what is really important in this life. I’ve been sensing a shift in myself/my life and it was comforting to find that it is not just some internal trauma that I am experiencing. I left our conversation with a renewed sense of being and a calm that I rarely ever feel. Thank you, my friend. The time you spent with me meant more than you know. You are appreciated immensely and I look forward to our future conversations.

Today I went to see my counselor. I had not seen her in over a month. I’ve seen her fairly regularly for the past five or six years. I started seeing her years ago when I was suffering from anxiety and panic attacks (I no longer suffer from these). There have been several times throughout the years where I have taken a break, but I always come back. I think of her as a life coach that I can share absolutely everything with. I feel as if she is an old friend that knows me well. Going to see her is something I look forward to and she has become a constant in my life. She is interested in many of the things I am interested in and she always has a wealth of knowledge to contribute to our conversations. When I graduated from college, she came to my commencement to support me. It really meant the world to me. She has always been one of my greatest cheerleaders. She has seen me at my lowest points and at my highest peaks in this life. I am grateful to her for believing in me when I did not believe in myself. She always listens so intently and she remembers everything I have ever said. She uses my own words to reinforce current thoughts and feelings. She has always guided me into trusting my gut instincts and for all of these reasons; I love her and am thankful for having her in my life. Today was no exception. We had a really nice conversation and I am looking forward to my next visit. She even had a bouquet of flowers for me of daisies and sunflowers (two of my favorites). See, she knows what I like.

Lastly, while I was out and about today I decided to stop by and visit a great friend that I had not seen in some time. I told myself if I drove by and saw her car, I would stop. I did and she was there. She was as happy to see me as I was to see her. We shared hugs, love and conversation and it made my great day even better. She is a collector of angels and a very spiritual woman. I told her that she had been on my mind and also that I could not stop thinking about angels. She then said that it was meant to be that I stopped by today. I think so too! I also think that sometimes you don’t realize just how much you miss someone until you actually see them again. I have missed you friend, your compassion, sincerity and genuine friendship. I plan on seeing you again very soon.

Now back to that shift I mentioned earlier. All of this has got me thinking. I was thinking about how I am consumed in my own thoughts at times. I consider myself lucky to have a handful of friends that are truly there for me. I was thinking about how I am usually quite private and choose not to share my real thoughts with many people. I sometimes think that I don’t really have many friends. I think I am somewhat guarded and difficult to get to know. I sometimes think that there are very few people that I actually trust and even fewer that I could/would rely upon for anything worthwhile. But somehow, something inside me is shifting. I can feel it. I feel that after these past several days, these past several conversations I may just be changing my views of myself and my friendships. I think the people that have taken the time to be part of my life and actually get to know me are the ones that are going to be around for a long, long time…and for that I am thankful.

Inch by Inch, Row by Row

I am feeling a little bit better each day. I really thought that I would recover much quicker than this. I did have a small setback. One of my incisions started to become infected. I think I caught it early enough though. I’m on antibiotics and feeling less achy. I went in yesterday for what I thought was my follow up appointment, but it turned out to be just a quick check of the incisions, along with cleaning the wound that was in question. My doctor assured me that everything looked good and that we could talk further today. My original follow up appointment is scheduled for today, so back I will go to Kaiser. It’s OK. It gave me another excuse to actually get dressed and made up.

I think the toughest part of recovering is boredom. I have essentially done nothing for weeks now. I really cannot wait to go back to work, have others to talk to and keep busy again.

I should say that I am blessed beyond belief in that I have so many wonderful friends and family that have offered words of kindness and company. It has helped to pass my boring days. Also this week, although boring, is far better than last week. For one, I am mobile and also my anxiety has diminished as I am no longer in wait of cancer news, so life is good. I think it won’t be long before things are back to normal again.

Beyond all that, I have not abandoned my weight loss efforts, but rather modified them some. Though I have not been to Weigh Watchers in over a month, my plan is to continue using Weight Watchers as my main source of accountability, group meetings and support. I feel that with the 40 pounds I have lost so far, I am well on my way to reaching my goal. Actually according to the BMI chart, I am only 3 pounds away from merely “overweight” as compared to “obese.” So that is my most current goal. I also have lost ten pounds since returning from my vacation (four of those are the four I had gained from the trip) so actually I am down six more pounds from my lowest, placing me at a 40 pound loss.

I’ve not decided which WW meeting I will be able to attend on a regular basis. I really love the Friday meeting I was attending. The leader was great and the group was also really cool. I am thinking though that I will go to a meeting tomorrow if I am feeling up to it, giving me a renewed sense of accountability. I may switch to a weekend morning meeting because I like to weigh in early, before eating, at the same time, same scale, same place each week. I only know I am down ten pounds because the scale at my doctor’s office shows me at my lowest weight in over a decade. I wonder if the WW scale will be close in accuracy. I know my home scale weighs me higher than the WW one.

I’ll let you all know tomorrow.

Gotta run, off to that appointment and then having an afternoon visit with Grandma and Gramps-

Cheers-

Lisa

Good News!

My pathology report came back clean. Absolutely everything was cancer free, the appendix, fallopian tube, ovary, uterus AND the mysterious cysts.

It turns out the cysts are a very rare condition called mesothelial cysts or benign cystic mesothelioma. My doctor said that there are under 900 cases ever documented in history, and that is why she or the other doctors had never seen them before.

I am blessed in that she called me late yesterday evening, preventing me from having to wait over the weekend for results. She was so thorough and professional that I have requested her to be my primary OBGYN doctor, and she said that she would be honored to be my doctor.

My follow up appointment is next Wednesday and I am composing a list of questions and concerns to go over with her. Until then, I am slowly recovering and taking things very, very slow.

Since I am feeling a huge relief I thought I would share a bit about my new job. Since there are not many jobs available for teachers (especially new teachers) I accepted a part time position in a third grade class as an assistant. I accepted this position for several reasons. First, a part time position working with children is better than no position and it means a regular paycheck will be coming in. Second, I fell in love with the people that run the private school I am working at. I felt an immediate connection and a sense of belonging. I know this may sound/seem a bit crazy, but it is absolutely true. I wanted to work there at that school with those people more than anything. They also said that they are planning on expanding next year by adding another kindergarten, another first grade and another second grade classroom and that I would have first dibs on one of these openings. I figured that if I were hired in the public school setting, I would be one of the first people pink slipped in the springtime. So not only am I going to be able to work at the school I fell in love with, in a classroom with third graders that I adore, for people that are incredibly open minded, kind and understanding, but also with the promise of opportunity! It is all good and I am so pleased that they liked me as much as I liked them.

Now for the most amazing part of all… after I was diagnosed with abnormalities and told I needed surgery I had to call my new boss and tell her that I would need to take some time off (even before I ever started). I cannot believe her amazing response and how kind hearted she was to me. She initially said that she would cover the first two weeks, allowing me time to feel better and to schedule my surgery. She then said that she thought I may need more time off that the original two weeks. Of course since then I have needed more time off. I just finished missing my third week off work. I planned on going back on Monday, even though I am still hurting. Well she called earlier this week and said that although they really want me, they want me to be 100% before I commit to coming in daily. I said that I felt bad that they were probably scrambling to cover my shift and she assured me that that was not my problem and they have it covered. She doesn’t want me to return until at least after my follow up appointment this coming Wednesday. I promised her that I am worth the wait.

Remarkable!

It absolutely solidifies that I made the right decision in wanting to work for these people/school. I mean, had I taken on a job in the public school system I would have already been replaced by one of the other 300 people looking for each open position. So I think I am taking off one more week, but I really can’t wait to go back to work. I truly believe that little people keep me young:)

Wow, am I thankful. I am thankful for not having cancer. I am thankful for a speedy recovery. I am thankful for my job and the kindness of the people there. I am thankful for all of your prayers, but mostly I am thankful being able to continue living this great life of mine!

My Health-Weight Loss Just Doesn't Seem Important Anymore

I’m not really sure where to begin, so I am just gonna start to type and see where I go.

After my vacation, I came home to two interviews and felt pretty great about it all. I knew which position I really wanted and which one I was not interested in. In the end it turned out great and I was offered the position I really wanted, at the school I wanted, and with third graders that I adore.

Shortly after accepting my position, I started feeling really bad. I was suffering with the most excruciating pelvic and abdominal pain and pressure. It was hurting so much that I needed to call and be seen. I went in on a Thursday for examination. My own doctor was not available until the following Monday so I was given the choice to be seen by a nurse practitioner, or to wait until Monday. I chose to be seen immediately. At my appointment, the nurse determined that I needed a vaginal ultrasound, which I quickly declined because several years ago I had the same procedure with a very insensitive male technician. And in the end, it came back inconclusive because they could not even locate my left ovary and fallopian tube. At that time, it was left at that… So at this appointment I asked the nurse if there was another way of checking me out and she said no. She then went on to schedule an appointment for the ultrasound, and in my mind I had no intention of returning and following through. I actually thought to myself “you can go ahead and make the appointment, but I am not going.” However, she sent me down to have it done immediately. Her assistant brought in the recommended water I was to drink while she waited and watched. I had no way out. I then went down and registered for the ultrasound and waited in the lobby for over an hour when I got up to say that I had decided not to stay and follow through. Funny thing though, he said it was my turn right then and there. I tried to escape this ultrasound twice, but ultimately had to have it done, and this time by a very sensitive and sweet older lady.

The following morning, my doctor called to say that my left fallopian tube was filled with fluid and that the ovary was possibly damaged. I needed to have it surgically removed asap as it was quite large and was the cause of all of my suffering. She sent me the report via email and she also explained that it was 9cm X 5cm X 4.5cm and that anything over 5cm needed surgical removal. She also said that she injured her hand and would not be able to perform the surgery herself. I was referred to one of her trusted colleagues.

Honestly, I was scared and scared of ovarian cancer more than anything. I don’t think I have ever mentioned this, but I have narrowly escaped several types of cancers over the past five years. In 2007, I had my first mammogram that produced abnormalities and I had to have mild ductal hyperplasia (abnormal pre-cancerous cells) removed from my right breast. I have also had basal cell carcinoma (non threatening skin cancer) removed from my right shoulder. Other cancer scares include gum and mouth cancer biopsies as well as a lip biopsy last year. So it seems that cancer is always on my mind.

The new office called to set up a surgery consultation for the following week. I am a nut about thoroughness and I had plenty of time to think, so over the week I made an extensive list of questions. She turned out to be very well educated (Stanford) and incredibly personable. I honestly fell in love with her personality, her honesty and her professionalism. We talked about my female health history that includes one very serious, life threatening incident after the birth of my youngest child. (In short I almost died from hemorrhaging after child birth and have since never had another menstrual cycle). She found it unacceptable that it was never followed up on as time passed. She wanted to biopsy my uterus as well. This means that she was going to use laparoscopic surgery to remove my left fallopian tube, possibly my left ovary and now she was adding another procedure to the mix, a hysteroscopy of the uterus. She explained that all of this would take approximately two hours of surgery time. WOW, I was scared. She also reassured me that she would check everything while she was in surgery. We talked about ovarian cancer and the possibility of it happening to me. Although I was afraid of all of this, I felt a little bit relieved and almost validated for all of my complaints over the years. I felt as if I was finally going to have some type of closure, and I was hopeful that she would remove all of the hurty stuff and I would feel like my best self again.

My surgery was scheduled for the following week, which meant I had another week of waiting and still hurting. I was scheduled to go in at 10am on 9/9. My surgery was scheduled for 12-2pm.

I arrived on time and all seemed well. It took the nurse four separate tries and four separate needles to get my IV going. Then my surgery got pushed out by two hours, so all I could do was wait. In my mind I knew that if I went in at 2pm, I should be out by 4pm, however when I was woken up, it was 6:30pm and there was apparently some kind of complication and my appendix needed removal as well. I was told that she found some sort of mucus filled sacs in my abdomen. She said that during her 9 years of surgery, she had never seen anything like this before. She consulted with another OBGYN, who had also never seen anything like this before. A general surgeon was then called in who said that it could possibly be the result of an appendix abnormality, so my appendix was also removed. I was under anesthesia for 4.5 hours having my left fallopian tube, left ovary, appendix and 11-15 mucus filled sacs removed from my abdomen along with various biopsies. Boy was I sore…and confused.

My mom, husband and children have been very supportive and helpful. I have mainly been resting, sleeping, sitting, sleeping and sitting and bored as can be. My doctor called on Monday to check in on me. She said that not all of the mucus sacs could be removed because they were in a dangerous area. She also said that they don’t yet know what it is. She explained that the general surgeon said that sometimes the appendix produces these sacs and that they can be cancerous, and that cancer of the appendix is very rare. She also said that my pathology report should come back sometime mid-week, but here I am on Thursday afternoon and have not yet heard from her. I cannot tell you how painfully agonizing it is to wait and wait some more.

As of now, this is all I know. I know that I am so scared of cancer and I just want to hear back from my doctor very soon.

So, this is where I have been, what I have been doing, and why I have been MIA.

Please pray for me-

Lisa

Hawaii and More

I have been MIA for over a month and although it has been on my mind to put my thoughts to writing, I have either not had the time or not been feeling well. A lot has happened to me during the month of August.

First, I went on a fantastic vacation with my family. My sweet husband brought seven of us on a fun trip to Hawaii. Each of my children brought a guest. Sarah brought her boyfriend, Kevin, whom we all love. Alex brought his best buddy, Michael, who is a real sweetie and tons of fun to have around. Glenn and I brought my mom and it felt so great to bring her along because I know she had the best time, and we ALL enjoyed her company!

We spent three nights in Oahu at the Hilton Hawaiian Village. It was great because both of my children, as well as their guests speak Japanese and there is a large population of Japanese on the island. (We’ve actually hosted three Japanese exchange students and have sent our children on school trips to Japan) The kids were able to find plenty of choices for good sushi and all of the Japanese treats that they enjoy. We even all went out one night for great sushi and the kids made a new little friend, Hotaro, while singing silly Japanese songs, speaking broken Japanese, and playing silly Japanese games.

While on Oahu, my mom, Glenn and I took public transportation to Pearl Harbor. It is quite the memorial. It is both somber and breathtaking. All of the memorabilia in the museum is amazing to see. My favorite things were the taped accounts of people that were actually there on the island, the photographs and the movie I saw in the large auditorium before actually going to the USS Arizona Memorial. I learned that Elvis Presley has a fundraiser concert to raise money to help build the memorial. I also learned that it is maintained to this day by the Navy. It is so much to absorb and process while visiting. I do think it is something that any American and beyond should see at least once in their lifetime. I am glad that I went as this was my third visit to Oahu, yet my first visit to Pearl Harbor.

We also spent a day at Sea Life Park, so Sarah and I could swim with the dolphins again, but this time we were able to take some dolphin virgins along. Sarah and I were both interested in doing this again, as it is almost a spiritual thing. I think the dolphins know what we are feeling and thinking. They are amazing creatures and I will swim and touch them at every opportunity. We couldn’t convince my mom to do it, and Glenn and Alex have had to do this with Sarah and me several times on other vacations, so they were not interested in participating. So, we brought Kevin and Michael along. Of course they loved it and had a great time. I think it brings out the best in everybody.

After Oahu, we boarded our ship, The Pride of America, for our Hawaiian cruise. It was the best fun. We spent the next seven nights cruising the islands of Hawaii and I would do it all over if given the opportunity, just so I could experience the beauty, fun, family and kindness of others. The first night we all got used to the layout and mechanics of the ship. At our muster station meeting, Kevin began to play the piano on the way out. He is classically trained and absolutely amazing. The dining room manager invited him back to play on formal night. So, for the next couple evenings, he and Sarah went to practice on the grand piano. It was pretty cool, and when he finally did perform, we of course videotaped so we could share the pride with his own parents.

Our first overnight stay was in Maui. On one of these days, I drank too much at the pool and danced like a fool on the deck, along with my partner in crime, Mom. Again, it was all in fun and I ultimately switched to water, but I can tell you that I made good friends with my pool deck waiters. We kinda split up in Maui and the kids all stayed together hunting for the best sushi.

It’s funny, even though the kids could do whatever they wanted and eat whenever they chose to; they chose to eat with us, as a group, every single night. So every night we dressed up and went to the dining room together. It was great because we could also decide what we were all doing afterwards, as there were shows, dances and fun things to choose from. Most nights we all did things together, but since there were so many choices, we sometimes split up. For instance, Sarah and Kevin were interested in seeing this improv group that I really wasn’t interested in seeing. Glenn and Mom and I mostly hung together, but when Glenn got tired and pooped out, I was happy to have Mom. She never tires and was always up for anything.

After Maui, we docked in Hilo on the Big Island. We had pre-arranged for a van since we were a party of seven, so we could sight see. First stop-BIG ISLAND CANDY...oh my goodness. This place is too much for me. I mostly wanted to get my dog sitter something special, and I did. The old me would have bought and eaten the chocolate dipped shortbread cookies. However, the new slimmer me put some serious thought into this dilemma. In the end, I opted out of purchasing anything for myself. Honestly I prefer to have enjoyed the sample I was given and pass on all of the delicious calories. It wasn’t easy, and it took a lot of self talk, but once I left that place, I didn’t miss the goodies one bit. We then traveled to Akaka Falls where they have this 1 mile loop trail leading through the beautiful rainforest to the stunning view of the falls. Even though it was raining, and we were not prepared, it was still warm and we did not care. We had a fantastic time, made some great memories, soaked in all of the beauty and took many gorgeous pictures. It felt like we were at the heart of Hawaii; truly remarkable. We then went to a local place for lunch and headed towards the botanical gardens. Hilo was fairly rural and untouched. I imagine it is what Hawaii is meant to be.

The next day we went to the opposite side of the Big Island to Kona. Of course, we had to lunch at the Kona Brewing Company. We made friends with the shop kitty and dubbed her “Kona.” Sarah and Kevin went snorkeling, the boys took the tender back to the ship to hang with their teen club friends, and Mom and I shopped for white dresses for the white hot party that night (with success). We also swam and played on the beach with Glenn for a while.

Our next day was in Kauai and it was my absolute favorite! All I can say is WOW! We again had a van so we could all travel together. On this day we stopped at the grocery store and loaded up with beer, drinks, snax and lunchy stuff. We knew we were headed to the north shore in search on Hanalei. We ultimately found it and I think it was the most spectacular beach I have ever been to. Glenn and I are definitely planning on heading back to Kauai next year, by ourselves. We spent our entire day lunching, swimming and playing at Hanalei. Someone later told me that Puff the Magic Dragon was written about that particular spot (Hana Lee). Who knows? Either way, it was the most magical place I have EVER been. I didn’t want to leave. Kauai is where I want to spend more time with my sweetheart. I’m already looking into resorts for next year.

The next day was our final full day, and we never left the ship. We were still in Kauai, but were set to sail at 1pm, so we opted to party and celebrate vacation. Once the ship set sail, we sailed along the Napali coast along the shores of Kauai, and boy oh boy did that solidify for me that Kauai is the most beautiful island. It was absolutely majestic and phenomenal. I have never seen anything like that before and I was definitely in awe. Our last night on the ship was equally as entertaining and I think that cruising is a nice way to get a little taste of several of the islands. Ad I can’t believe that I have not mentioned until now just how extraordinary the staff and crew were. We loved them, and I think I may have made some lifetime friends in the staff. (I’ll get into the coincidences later)

Our trip was tons of fun. There is just too much to share. I think I’ve already written over 1500 words in my short blog post. I was going to elaborate on my other stuff from August, but will have to wait until next post.

OH YEAH! I only gained 4 pounds and have lost them already. Yay, yay, yay for me!

Also, I got the job I wanted (more on this later).

And lastly, I am having some serious health issues that are requiring surgery next week. I promise to elaborate on this over the weekend sometime, but it is the true reason I have not written since I have returned home.

I promise, promise, promise to update later this weekend-

~Live, love, laugh and lose,

Lisa

Our first night. Mom, Michael, me and Glenn
Big Island Candy with everyone.
Kona Brewing Company with everyone.
Dining room with everyone
White Hot Party, Mom and I
Hanalei Bay, Kauai, Alex, me, Glenn and Sarah
Kauai on pool deck with Glenn
Unplanned leopard stuff, me, Sarah and Mom
Napali coast with Glenn

I Am Shrinking And It Feels So Good!

Greetings all,

I know it has been a little while since I have posted, but remember this is all new to me and I am simply trying to use the blog as another source of accountability. So, last week I opted not to weigh in for the first time in three months. The reason being that I had the worst food week ever and I personally did not want to see a gain as I know it would crush me. The week leading up to my decision consisted of a wedding shower where I ate a cupcake and some pasta, a Friday night pizza party, a trip to Santa Cruz that included some fudge and assorted candies, along with various other "treats."(see above, we had our sweet little nephew for the week) Needless to say, I was not feeling the weigh in. I chose to skip it, forgive myself, start fresh again and move forward in my plan and that is exactly what I did!

I did weigh in though yesterday and came out with a 2.5 pound loss, so all is good with the world now:) More importantly I made a discovery that has brightened my days and re-sparked my motivation. My daughter and I are addicted to this vintage dress website where we order SO MANY THINGS!! (the UPS man knows us well) On the site, each and every dress has a measurement chart for precise sizing, so we have our handy dandy tape measure at our sides all the time. My daughter, Sarah, ordered something really cute that I have had my eye on and I asked her if she would mind if I had the same thing. Of course she did not, as long as we don't wear them at the same time, cool...done and done. However, I have been practicing a bit more reserve lately as I do not want to order this great stuff that will fit now for only a short time. So I decided to order it in a smaller size while it is now still available. I took my measurements for my waist and hips, 34 and 44 inches, great, perfectly proportionate! Sarah then asked me what were my measurements when I started. Hmm... I did not know. I ran to my room to look up the starting weight paperwork and found that my waist and hip measurements in April were 38 and 48 inches! HOLY CRAP!!! I have lost 4 inches in both places, significant inches, and I am only halfway to my goal (actually 2 pounds away from halfway). No wonder nothing fits me anymore. I may lose 4 more inches in each place. Wow, I feel so good about this! I should also mention that I had to buy new bras this week. I am no longer wearing a 40G, but a 38DDD! Every little bit counts.

I also want to add a very special announcement. I am finally below 200 pounds for the first time in a very long time. If these monumental changes are happening to me now, just think how great I will feel as I get closer and closer to my goal?

I am very proud of me!

I am off to have another successful, productive and positive week.

Y'all should do the same-

Live, love, laugh and lose-

Lisa

Weigh In Results 6/30/11

Oh my goodness! I think the busyness around here has finally come to an end. All of my home improvements are in place and we are finally enjoying the fruits of our labor. The most complicated drawn out process was the wiring of the television and surround sound. I personally do not know why all this fancy speaker, woofer, blah, blah, blah is necessary, but apparently it is very important to the home theater. What I do know is that it took forever and made a big mess, created lots of dust and also made some holes in/on my freshly painted walls (That are now patched up, but still need painting). During all this chaos, I was without my laptop and was relying on my android to check email, so I am late in posting my weight loss for the week.

Here goes...I lost 3.4 pounds last week. I am thrilled and quite positive that my body has finally adjusted to this new change. I am at 201 and am really hoping to be below "that number" at my next weigh in. I still have four weigh in's before I sail away to the islands, so I am diligent about timing my meals, drinking my water and getting in my exercise. I really, really, really want to be at 191 when we go, but I promise not to be hard on myself if I do not meet that goal. After all, it is a journey, not a destination, right? Until then, I will continue down my path and assure myself that I am doing well and will follow this path until I reach my goal and the maintenance phase of my program.

I have a busy mind and always have lots of thinking going on. I never really have a concrete plan when I sit down here to write, but rather ramble and try to keep the blog coherent. Here it is the Fourth of July and it is the first free weekend day we have had in weeks. We have no furniture to move, no painting to do, no more boxes to pack or unpack and I am completely unsure of what we are going to do. Maybe we will simply relax and just enjoy the gorgeous new surroundings. I would love to go out and about, but anyone that knows me knows I am anti-crowd. I love people, but I hate crowds and living here in the bay area, anywhere worth going today will be too crowded for my liking. Thinking we will just hang out and BBQ.

Also, my sweet Maxi boy turned one on Saturday. I bought him this cute little peanut butter doggie cake in celebration. It turns out, he is not a fan of frosting, just like his big sis, Sarah! Roscoe, of course loved every morsel. I think he must be part lab because he will eat anything. All in all,Max had a great birthday despite all of the uproar in our house that day and we are so happy to have him here with us. He is adapting beautifully and I am sure he now feels safe and secure. I think he is the most sensitive dog I have ever owned. He really is mommy's sweetheart. I adore that dog.

As for Roscoe, he will be one on July 29th, so we will also get him a little doggie birthday cake. Roscoe is not feeling well though. Yesterday when I returned from my girls day out, he was coughing a little bit and I asked Glenn if he had been doing so all day. Glenn hadn't noticed. But as the night wore on, he got worse, coughing and retching. Around midnight we called the 24hr emergency vet and decided to bring him in. They said it is most likely kennel cough. I'm sure we had him immunized for this, but apparently it is quite common. It must have been contracted from the dog park. Currently he is dosed up on codeine cough syrup and antibiotics and sleeping. I hope he can sleep most of this day and feel better tonight. My poor little sweetheart. It seems that all these crazy illnesses always happen late at night or on a weekend when my regular vet is not open. We are all tired today because Roscoe coughed and vomited all night. Staying home today seems to be the best bet for all.

So, that is what has been going on in my little corner of the world. As of today, I am 33.5 pounds down from my starting weight in April. I'm getting there!

Happy Birthday America!

Live, love, laugh and lose-

~Lisa

Weigh In Results 6/23/11

Well here I am, down 30 pounds. Actually I am two tenths shy of 30 pounds, but I am calling it 30 pounds. Funny how last week that same two tenths of a gain was such a downer, but now that I am two tenths away from a thirty pound loss, I can easily dismiss it as insignificant. Crazy mind games.

Anyway, I had to weigh in day early this week due to life circumstance, so I weighed in yesterday making my week a six day week. I figure next week should be good since I am giving myself an extra day and going back to my regular Friday weigh in. Though this was my third week on Medifast, it was my tenth week on a vlcd. I have averaged a 3 pound loss per week. Boy, I am happy with that! I still have five and a half more weeks before vacation and I do not think I will reach my 180 pound wish. I have decided that if I lose at least another 10 pounds before vacation, I will be thrilled. Fifteen more pounds will put me over the moon. I guess fifteen is not too outrageous to shoot for if I am averaging three pounds per week. We'll see. Today I am at 205lbs. If I can be somewhere in the 190's before vacation, that will be wonderful.

During my trip I plan on doing a 3 and 3, that is three regular L&G meals and three MF easy to pack meals. I am hoping to maintain during that time and even if I have a little gain, I will not be hard on myself. After all, I will be on a dream vacation!!

And, for the record, that dress I am wearing in the picture is one that I found in my garage closet. It still had tags on it. It looks like I bought it on sale and it was always too tight, then too small and never flattering enough to wear. I'll tell ya, shopping in my own closet has been so much fun. I didn't even remember having that dress, so it was like a fantastic surprise. I received so many compliments yesterday in that dress. I felt like a new and improved me!

I am the new and improved me!!

Happy Friday all.

See ya lighter next time-

Lisa

Weigh In Results 6/17/11 (Not Good)

Kinda feelin' crappy about this, so I will keep it short and sweet.

I had a small gain of .2 (two tenths) of a pound, which absolutely sucks because I have been following all the rules and drinking an excess of water. I can't even think of what it is that I did differently, so I am at a loss for explanation.

All I do know is that since I started Medifast three weeks ago, I have only lost 2.5 pounds. I just placed my second months order and if I do not make better progress on this plan, I will find something else that works for me.

I did well on optifast, and am now second guessing myself. Hmm... what to do, what to do?

A Very Cool Thing Happened Yesterday

We have been doing a lot of work around our house. I guess that is what happens when I am not working or in school. It seems I need to have something important to do each day. I cannot just sit back and relax for very long.

So one of the things we are incorporating into this facelift is the home theater. We are having our widescreen television mounted above our fireplace and this entails moving most of our electronics to new spaces. To have the television moved, we need to have some masonry work done as well as some wiring work done. We have interviewed several wiring guys, but have not yet decided on anyone, as Glenn seems to think he can do it himself.

Either way, Glenn has been up in our attic clearing a path from the attic entrance towards the area near our fireplace. He is sorting through twelve years of family storage and it is a big job. I think we have opened a can of worms. But I guess purging some of our old stuff is freeing in a way and it does feel good.

Moving on to the cool thing...as Glenn was clearing crap from our attic he came across a sealed plastic bin of mine that was full of clothing. This was clothing of mine from so long ago that i cannot even remember. The cool thing was that it was filled with shorts, jeans, denim skirts and capri's in my current size! Perfect blessing. Most all of the clothing in this bin was in a size 14 and there were also a few size 12's. I am thrilled to have found this cache as I am in desperate need of clothing that fits. The bonus is that there are a few items that are actually too small. It gives me something to work towards.

Timing is everything. It's funny how things happen-

I think today I will clean out my closet and drawers again~

Random Thouhgts

So yesterday it was finally a nice sunny day here in my little place in the world. I decided to wear shorts for the first time in forever. I had cleaned out all of my clothing drawers fairly recently and had given away all but three pairs of my shorts. I kept the smaller pairs of shorts as I thought I could still wear them for a bit. I was wrong! I tried them on one by one and each pair were far too big. It was as if they belonged to someone else. I suppose they did belong to someone else...the former fat me. I should also add that I now need a complete new round of undergarments, pajamas and many other things.

My sweet husband told me to head out and find some new things. This girl never needs an excuse to shop, so off I went and I was able to find two new pairs of shorts in a size 14! It was kinda weird and fun to be shopping in the regular women's department as opposed to the plus sized department. I am feeling good and just thought I would share.

On another note, this morning I taught water aerobics for the first time in a long time. It was so much fun. I used to teach it at the YMCA and when I stopped teaching it, I wrote down my routine in a journal just in case I ever took it up again. Well, I located the journal sometime last week and placed it on top of my jewelry box for safekeeping, knowing that this week I would be teaching. Since we have been having so much work done around here and last week the painters were here, I packed it up and thought my journal was in the garage in a box of my personal stuff. Of course being the procrastinator I am, I didn't even try to locate it until last night when I discovered that my sweet hubby brought it to the storage. Needless to say, I had to wing it today. Luckily for me, I've still got it!

Until next time-

Live, love, laugh and lose~