New Year, New Me!

Here it is, the first day of the new year, 2013. I plan on having a wonderful year. 2012 felt like a long a difficult year, especially the end of it. I'm hoping that this fresh start will be good for all. I am going to attempt to document my life in a place that is accessible to others, in hopes that my sharing will be of assistance to those that are interested.

 In 2011, I took drastic measures to lose weight, and I was successful in losing approximately 40 pounds. I was not able to maintain that entire loss as it was not done in a healthy, sustainable way. I am determined this year to obtain the best, most realistic way of becoming the healthiest me possible.

Yesterday I sat down to tear out magazine pictures in order to create a "vision board" for the new year. I wasn't even sure what it was going to be about. My plan was sort of a non-plan to just pull out pictures that were meaningful to me. It quickly became apparent that my new year vision board was about getting my body in the best shape possible, as most of the pictures and phrases that were calling out to me had to do with healthy eating and exercise.

 I'm not one to make resolutions (mostly because I think that every day is an opportunity to be your best) but I am determined to be the healthiest me I can be and this is the year I am certain I will obtain my goal.

 Last year I spent a lot of my time reawakening and developing a deeper spiritual side of myself and I feel that in doing so, it has put me in a place that is more in tune with my physical body, my heart, and my soul. I have absolutely become more sensitive to how my body feels in response to specific foods and stress. This is certainly a blessing in that it has changed my view of the past ultimate goal of simply "losing weight" to rather "gaining health."

 This year I commit to gaining health and being the best possible me I can be. Please join me and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2012, Here I come!

I am the first to admit it…I am a terrible blogger. As much as I would like to be consistent, I’m just not. It is always in the back of my mind to document this or that, but I get so busy that I hardly allow myself any down time. Today is actually the first unplanned day that I have not absorbed with busyness in three weeks. I had a quiet day last Sunday, but I filled every moment of it with something and it ended up being anything but a quiet down day.

Now that I have been feeling well, I have taken on a second teaching position. Not that I needed another job. I was simply seeing what else might be available to me. I even rescheduled my interview TWICE because other things kept coming up. I told myself that I would listen to what she had to offer and then take some time to think about it. I even rehearsed my response in the car on the way to the interview promising myself not to jump into anything, but rather to talk it over with Glenn and really ponder how taking on a second job would affect my life and the healing I have been going through. However, as soon as I arrived I knew that I really, really liked the girl I would be working for. She owns a tutoring center and only hires credentialed teachers. She pays really well and it seemed like I wouldn’t need to give up too many hours per week of my time. What really reeled me in tough was the fact that she sends her employees out to the low income schools to tutor the struggling students. OMG WOW! This is exactly the kind of work I live for. So, I suppose I needn’t even say that my plan to think it over went right out the window. And, flattery always works with me. She said that she looks for a “sparkle” in her employees, but she said that I do not just sparkle, I “shine.” She won me over. It is a twelve week contract position that should be complete towards the end of March. She said that she wants to keep me to work in the center afterwards, but we’ll see. I’m kinda tired. My afternoons have now been consumed with tutoring ten students in either math or language arts skills. It makes for a much longer day, but I feel good about it, like I am really making a difference

Beyond that, there are several other great projects I am working on. First of all, my children’s book, Ozzy and Crackers is really coming along. I anticipate it actually coming to fruition in several months. Sarah has agreed to be my illustrator and I couldn’t be happier. She knows just how I want my images portrayed. I think the only setback will be that Sarah is so busy herself that getting serious about the book will take up a lot of her time, so I will just need to be patient. We are also both joining the SCBWI which is the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. Through serendipity, we have even met with the regional director of our local chapter and it looks like Sarah may even intern this summer at her publishing house. It really is amazing to me how you can merely “ask” the universe for things and they seem to materialize.

The other cool thing I am doing right now is teaching adults to read. My local library sponsors this program called Read Santa Clara and I have been interested in participating for a long time, but never had the time. I recently came across the flyer that I had picked up eighteen months ago and decided to look it up. I did and found that I had missed the most current orientation by only several days. My little voice told me to call and email anyway, so I did. Not ten minutes later the program coordinator called to tell me that if I were still interested she would hold a private orientation for me on that particular day. She also told me that the training started the following day. So this is part of the reason I have not been able to relax and have a down day. My last couple weekends have had me training to teach adults to read. I really cannot wait to be matched up with a learner. I think that this may turn out to be my most rewarding endeavor ever!

As for my work at Mulberry, after Christmas it seemed that there was not enough real work for me to do. It was apparent that the lady I aide for didn’t really need me there. I know that the ratio numbers say otherwise, but she can handle the class all by herself. It came down to the point where she was running out of things for me to do and resorting to mindless tasks like asking me to sharpen pencils, dust shelves and clean out the sink. Mind you, I am not above doing any of these tasks, but I started feeling super bleak about the future. I mean, it was only January and she had already run out of work for me. I was also spending many a morning sitting and watching her lead lessons while I had absolutely nothing to do. I tell ya, it is awful hard to get up at six am knowing that I had an entire shift of nothing ahead of me. I like having something to do and now my something was turning out to be nothing. I ended up going into the office to talk to the head of the school and the operations manager. I told them that I would type up my resignation more formally, but that I was giving my notice as I felt that I wasn’t really needed. They both actually asked me to hold that thought and give them some time to sort it out. They told me that I am loved by the community, the staff and also by all the students and that they do not want to lose me. They said that if I could not be put to use in my assigned classroom, then I could tutor language arts to the struggling students in all of the other classrooms. I agreed, we worked it, out and I have been busy ever since doing worthwhile, valuable work. Actually this past week I completed all of the third graders reading assessments for the second time. It was incredibly rewarding to see documented evidence of student progress in three months time. (I had done them for all students previously in November). I am also being requested by the second grade to conduct some of her more difficult reading assessments, so now I definitely feel more useful.

Lastly, I had a really nice Christmas. It was one of the quietest I’ve ever had, but definitely one of the best. I was able to get my sweet little nephew for a long visit and that was very special. I spent a lot of time relaxing and trying not to get caught up in all of the materialism. I felt like I didn’t get out shopping until late, due to busyness and a tight schedule, but it all fell into place in the end. It wasn’t the norm, but we did see all of our family, spend lots of wonderful time together and we all enjoyed having some time off.

I plan on having one of my best years ever. 2012 has so much promise.

My next blog is a work in progress. I’ve started it twice, but cannot seem to find the right words. It is about my spirituality and my belief in angels. I want to share, but it seems to be so intimate and personal to me that I need to have just the right words.

Wait and see…

I'm Still Here

I’ve not disappeared.

I’m still here, plugging along, working on feeling my best and continuing to be the best me I can be.

Since I have returned from my vacation, I have gained and lost-gained and lost the SAME 6 POUNDS at least three times. As of last week, I am fully recommitted to my Weight Watchers plan. I am still in search of the best meeting and time, but I have not given up.

I have also had a little bit of a recurrence in my health issues, but I don’t feel the need to elaborate just now. I will say that the week prior to Thanksgiving I was required to have an additional ultrasound due to some crappy circumstances, but again, it turned out to be OK. For now, I am just hoping that all will remain clean and I will not need to have another uterine biopsy, so please send out love and light in my direction.

My Thanksgiving was wonderful. For the first time ever, we decided to go out to eat at Mariani’s, as I wasn’t feeling like shopping and cooking this year. It was truly magnificent. I was able to sleep in, drink my coffee slowly while watching the parade and actually take my time in getting ready. My brother and his girlfriend also came along. We didn’t have to set up or clean up, just show up. It felt absolutely brilliant! I did have my share of mimosas and champagne, which is a little unusual, but definitely fun.

Glenn turned forty eight last weekend and we helped him clean up the garage, per his birthday request. It was super low key. He wanted me to make him some chicken fajitas, sugar cookies and gingerbread cookies, so that’s what I did!

The most exciting thing that is currently happening in my life right now is that for about five years I have been composing books for children with the thought that I would someday become a published author. I don’t ever mention it because it has always seemed like more of a hobby or simply a dream as opposed to a reality. Lately though things have been changing, I’ve been meeting people that have not only encouraged me to pursue this dream, but have actually helped me to make some connections in the publishing world. I have not one, but two upcoming meetings with some reputable children’s authors and publishers in the next week or so. Each meeting is a little bit different, for different aspects of writing, but both are avenues to obtaining the same outcome. The thought of all this actually happening for me is completely consuming. I suppose if I were never to try, I would never know.

It’s funny where life leads you. You just need to be aware of the signs, follow the leads and “trust” that inner guidance because that “gut feeling” is real.

Follow your dreams, shoot for the stars and never ever stop believing in your highest potential.

Cheers until next time-

Lisa

October Came and Went So Quickly

It seems that every time I have meant to sit down and type up something new, my time becomes consumed or I am too tired to do so. It’s not that I have nothing going on, or have nothing to report (because I always do); I am still not in the habit of blogging. I really am trying to be consistent.

October may just be my favorite month of all. It represents the coming of fall for me (which happens to be my favorite season of all), the anniversary of our wedding day, my birthday, Halloween and promise of the coming holidays. It seems that October is the shifting point of the year for me and I absolutely love it! I should also mention that here in the bay area, October is the most amazing month for weather. To the north, San Francisco has clear, fogless days and to the south, Santa Cruz has sunny beach days that bring the magnificent ocean animals in close to the shore, such as the humpback whales and the dolphins. October is fantastic!

This October was no exception. Though I am still on the mend, I have enjoyed my past few weeks immensely. Our anniversary was kinda uneventful, but that was my choice. We ordered pizza, watched movies in our comfy pj’s and simply enjoyed each other’s company, and talked about how pleased we are with how our lives have turned out thus far. We are both thankful and blessed in this life.

My job has continued to become a place of solace and refuge. It really has been amazing to experience so many good things in one place. I have definitely bonded with all of the children in my class, as well as with the teacher I am working with and the other staff members. But beyond that I have been able to create several art pieces that I am quite proud of. My most favorite thing of all so far is a ceramic pumpkin that I was able to make. She has a glamorous face and she is so shiny and beautiful. I’ve never made anything quite like this before! The school has a kiln for ceramics! I feel like being there is allowing me to be nurtured in the perfect way. I have also been able to put my tutoring and language arts skills to use as I have been doing all of the reading assessments for the students. It is working out perfectly, because since I am not juggling my time between teaching the class and assessing, I have more time to invest and I can absolutely individualize each and every student’s needs. I really cannot say enough good things about my job. The Mulberry School is magical!

My birthday was also last week and it was celebrated in the perfect Lisa kind of way. My children made me some pink cupcakes and again we ordered pizza because it was a work day and I have been tired upon my return each day. I spent a small bundle on some books I have been wanting and also treated myself to this crystal, chakra pendant I have had my eye on. I also had a reading done at my favorite metaphysical bookstore. Glenn, Sarah and Alex gave me some other books I had on my list, so I’ve got a lot of reading material on the horizon. Then on the weekend, we went out to the Fish Market (one of my favorite restaurants) to celebrate with family and friends. It is also Sarah’s boyfriend Kevin’s birthday the day after mine. I turned 44 and he turned 22. I thought this was meaningful in that he is now half my age, or I am twice his age. Either way, we all had fun and enjoyed our nice dinner celebration.

Halloween is always fun. I especially love the fact that I work at an elementary school because I get to see all of the sweeties in their costumes. They are all so excited to look like their favorite princess or superhero. What comes to mind as a favorite costume this year was a little girl dressed up as Rapunzel. She had the most beautiful handmade wig of long, wavy, blondish hair with flowers infused throughout. It was gorgeous and she looked like a real live princess. I went this year as Fiona (minus the green skin) from Shrek because I have the perfect green Renaissance dress. I really wanted to be Mary Poppins, but I could not find the perfect overcoat and was not in the best shape for shopping around this year. Maybe next year I will either be Mary Poppins or the Tooth Fairy. Alex went as a Rabbi and Sarah and Kevin went as bats. Glenn wore the same creepy mask he’s been wearing for years to hand out candy.

October has also brought me some new acquaintances that are fun. At Mulberry, I have met many nice and friendly people, but there are a few that stand out as favorites. I’ve even been invited to audition for adult theater, so who knows, maybe I’ll do it. Aside from school, I’ve made some great connections to a handful of people in the metaphysical community I have been spending my time with.

Now though with October behind me, I’ve got November to consider and I am feeling more like myself each and every day.

A couple of things I am working on include:

-My continued weight loss efforts

-The Story of Glenn and Lisa

-Angels and Spirituality

-A Sense of Belonging

-Fibromyalgia (my take on it)

-Future Endeavors

So, I will leave you all with a wish for a peaceful and fulfilling upcoming holiday season.

Live, love, laugh and light-

Lisa

What’s New With You? Well, Let Me Tell You…

Today is the first day I have felt great from beginning to end, without some kind of ache or pain. It has been almost five weeks since my surgery and I have been doing a whole bunch of nothing beyond my half-day-work-day. My life has felt somewhat uneventful since the surgery and I feel as if I have been on pause for a little while. I cannot express how grateful I am to have been working a short day. It has made a huge difference in my recovery due to the fact that I have been able to come home, eat some lunch and then take some time to rest before my family comes home. I know it sounds boring as hell, and it has been, but it is exactly what I needed. After working five hours, I am ready for some down time. It is evident to me that rebuilding my stamina is going to consume much of my winter.

Another thing, I have not been able to wear my beloved Levi’s jeans in some time and I sure miss them. I have tried to sneak them back into my life on a couple of occasions, only to find that either the waistband or pocket rivets rub against one of my incisions causing more pain. So I am currently content to wear dresses each and every day until I feel better. I have said it before and I am going to say it again, but I did not think that recovery was going to be so time consuming. However, after speaking to many others on the recovery time for abdominal surgery, I don’t feel so bad. I’ve heard that it will take six to eight weeks to feel better. I’ve also heard that one month of recovery per hour of surgery is common; I’ve also read on some forums that it can take up to a FULL YEAR to feel my best again! Since I actually had four procedures and was under anesthesia for almost five hours, I am going to say that I am doing quite well. I almost rode my bike today, but backed out at the last minute. I am feeling like a chicken. I don’t want to hurt myself, but I also have a tendency to feel great, do too much and then have a setback. I refuse to let that happen this time around. I hurt myself a couple of weeks ago lifting Max up onto the bed. I’m trying to take the best care of me so that I can sign up for that next round of pilates that is coming around in late November. I also have my eye on a yoga class at Kaiser. I figure I can go at my own pace and slowly build myself back up. I need to get rid of this bloat that I am experiencing.

On another note, ya know that poem that describes friendships as a reason, a season or a lifetime? Well I have had the best experience and I take nothing as chance. I am one of those people that believe everything happens for a reason, even if I am not sure what that reason is at the time. I see signs and receive confirmation of feelings in things I observe around me every day. However, once in a while something happens that is so crystal clear, it needs no question. Here is what happened recently:

I am new at The Mulberry School so I am meeting new people every day. During my first week, maybe even my first day I met this really nice woman who is a parent at the school. We were both on the playground at recess time and we introduced ourselves, shared a little chit-chat. I explained that I was the new third grade aide, and she explained that she was an OBGYN surgeon. WOW! (This is where the reason falls into place) How incredible is this? I could not resist the urge to tell her a bit of my story and she was familiar with both Ashermans Syndrome and the most recent, Benign Cystic Mesothelioma. She said that in her twenty years of surgery, she had only seen the BCM once. We spoke of recovery time and some other things and left it at that. Afterwards I could not stop thinking about it. I wondered if it was her patient that had the BCCM and if she had followed up or done any long term maintenance. When I saw her next, I asked that very thing and she said that it was not her patient so she had no information to share. She did have a suggestion for me though. I explained that since it is so rare and undocumented, I was having a tough time finding much information about it. She said that she would be returning to work the following week and would be happy to look it up on her medical database at work and email me all of her findings. Well, that was last week and she followed through and emailed me all of the info she found. She also said that if I sent her my medical record number, she would send all of my stuff over to the OBGYN oncologist for review and share a new doctor opinion with me. How wonderful is that? My concern was that from what I could find, it said that this is possibly caused by prior surgery or trauma. Both of which I suffered after the birth of my youngest child over sixteen years ago. I have actually complained of many maladies over the years that have gone unexplained. I found that the real only treatment is surgical removal, and that the recurrence rate is over fifty percent, suggesting that long term monitoring is ideal for the patient. My doctor really wasn’t sure of the long term monitoring part. She seemed to think that since most of it was removed, I need not worry about it any further. Now that I have some reputable information to present her with, I imagine I will have no problem requesting a CT or ultrasound yearly or whenever needed.

Lastly, I am also on pause when it comes to my weight loss. When I went back to Weight Watchers, I had lost 3.6 pounds, the following week I gained two, and this past week I gained one more, so I am essentially right where I was three weeks ago. I’m not sure if it is my body readjusting after the surgery, my lack of exercise, sheer laziness or a combination of all three. What I do know is that I am not/have not/will not give up! I am still more than halfway to my goal and I am confident that it is going to “click” for me again real soon. I am currently studying the principles of the South Beach Diet as it is a low carbohydrate plan that incorporates lots of healthy foods including dairy and fruit. I really cannot imagine living on dehydrated food for much longer. I don’t even think I can bring myself to eat any more of the Medifast food in the cabinet. I tried to start over a couple weeks ago, and I just can’t do it. I was hungry, grouchy and not satisfied. Until then I have been logging my food intake into a journal, eating something healthy every three hours, weighing in at Weight Watchers weekly and maintaining my weight. When I figure it all out, I’ll be sure and let you all now.

I want to also mention that this past Friday was my 22^nd wedding anniversary to Glenn. I planned on writing a blog entitled “The Story of Glenn and Lisa,” but I have been tired upon my return from work each day and never made the time to get it done. I am thinking I still will get that written up, as I am now feeling better. I even turned down a dinner date out on our anniversary, because I wasn’t feeling my best. I’ll tell you, once I feel better; I will have plenty of fun time to make up.

Until next time, here is an oldie picture of Glenn and I on our wedding day, 10/7/89

New Things Happening

My week has passed quickly and I have a few new things to share. First, I was able to start my new job and I like it very much. It seems that everyone there seems to share in the magic. In other words, they are ALL amazingly kind, genuine and welcoming. I’m still feeling it is a great match for me and I am pleased to be part of it all. The class I am working in is full of really smart and friendly children (heavy on boys) that I am enjoying spending my time with. A half day goes by really quickly and for the time being, I am grateful for that as I am not completely back to my best self.

I’m also glad that I do not have to leave Maxi and Roscoe in crates all day long.

As for health and healing, my week has been up and down. By Tuesday and Wednesday I was feeling REALLY good, so much so that I think I pushed myself too far. Wednesday I had a super long day, in that directly after working I needed to pick up Alex from school for an appointment and we ended up getting home kinda late. By then I was definitely tired. I really need to build up my stamina. After doing nothing but resting and relaxing for six weeks, I tire quite easily. It is a frustration because I want to feel like my old self again and be able to do all of the things I like to do, but I am just not there yet. Anyways, I’m not sure if was the heavy bag I’ve been carrying around, or the tight windows I’ve been pushing up and down here, or if it was when I lifted Maxi boy up onto my bed (most likely this), but I definitely hurt myself and disrupted the healing process somehow. I was feeling so good and thought that the worst was over, but nope…I still need to take it slow for a while. So, I ended up missing Friday of this past week. I feel guilty because I am still just getting started, but I could barely bend over or even sit in a bendy position. Thursday was a bit tougher than the previous days and I was really hurting. Thursday night was even worse. My plan was to continue resting, dose up on motrin and tough it out on Friday, after all it is only a half day. Glenn has been going into work later to help me with all of our “morning stuff.” I wasn’t getting around very well come Friday morning. It was then that Glenn that persuaded me to call in and take the day off. He said that I was in surgery for almost 5 hours and I could not expect to feel “good as new” in such a short time. He said that I need to be patient and allow myself the time I need, however long it takes. However, three weeks doesn’t feel like a short time to me. I was feeling so much better earlier in the week, so I obviously did something I shouldn’t have. Again, I cannot convey the compassion I received from my boss. I LOVE THAT PLACE! (and the people, of course)

Since then I have just taken it easy, iced up and dosed myself with the heavy duty motrin. I anticipate feeling much better by the time Monday rolls around. I’m still suffering from severe boredom. I keep dreaming up all these fun things to do that will just have to wait. For instance, Glenn and I had spoken of going to Disneyland for our 22^nd anniversary, which is next weekend, but I don’t see that happening. For some reason I am feeling that I will need 6-8 weeks post-op to feel better again. Maybe by my birthday at the end of the month we can plan something grand. It is always wonderful to have something to look forward to.

As for my weight loss efforts, they have not been dismissed, rather shelved temporarily. I think I have decided on attending the Sunday morning Weight Watchers meeting. I like to be part of the camaraderie and have some accountability, so I really need the meeting. I already know that I will like this meeting because I am familiar with the leader. Her name is Jennifer and she has lost over 100 pounds! So, she can talk the talk AND walk the walk. I’m actually looking forward to going tomorrow. I think I may have a small gain this week because I’ve not been very careful, but I am OK with that. No surprises here. I am just impressed with myself for making it this far, more than halfway to my goal. At this point I am all about taking my time and being consistent. Slow and steady wins the (non) race. I am still planning on locating a book that consists of cancer fighting foods so that I can consciously incorporate them into my daily life. I also know that my body functions best on lower carbohydrate meal plans and when eating any carbs, I definitely need the whole grain type. (Is there such a thing as whole grain cupcakes? Have I mentioned that I love cupcakes?)

All I do know for sure is that I will not give up until I reach my goal, and I know in my heart that I will reach my goal.

Until next time-

Light and love,

~Lisa

I Almost Forgot

I can't believe i forgot to add in my weight loss info into my blog yesterday.

I was feeling so good yesterday that I went out and about on my own. I went to my counseling appointment, went to Weight Watchers and then stopped in to visit a friend. I was quite tired afterwards and I think I can still feel it today, but I had been so bored for so long that I'll take a little pain for some fun.

So, I had not weighed in at Weight Watchers since July 22nd, which was exactly two months as of yesterday. I had gone on my vacation and then became ill. I was interested to see where I am at so that I can move forward in my weight loss efforts. I know that after my vacation, I gained four pounds according to my scale. I have also had various doctors appointments over the past month or so, so I knew that I was losing. I just didn't know what the numbers would show on my weight watchers scale. I was pleasantly surprised to find that from my last lowest weigh in, I was down 3.6 pounds. That means that i lost my vacation weight and then some. I am a half a pound away from a 40 pound loss since April!!! I am now more than halfway to my goal and feel confident that I will get there.

I would like to add that when I began this journey my BMI was at 36.8 and as of yesterday my BMI is at 30.7. I am not that far from the "overweight" category and that is my next goal. I need to lose four more pounds, but I am not in a hurry. I just want to see the numbers going down.

I've still not decided on a regular meeting time as I will be starting my job next week. I am thinking either Saturday or Sunday morning. Not sure, but I will definitely decide within the next week.

Wishing you all an excellent day and an even better beautiful weekend!