I was thinking it’s kinda funny that I would put myself “out there” by way of this blog. I consider myself somewhat private about what I share with others and more specifically with whom I share information. I actually started blogging as a way to help myself sort out my over active mind, and also to have a place to store a connection to some of the other bloggers I was interested in. I never thought I would make my private thoughts public, or even invite others to share in my thought process. I honestly thought that no one would really care what it is that I think about, but here I am sharing my dreams, thoughts, highs, lows, excitement and humdrums with whoever cares to read and “listen.” I guess the part that is funny is that I have received a lot of positive feedback, which is both inspiring and reassuring. That being said, I am finding blogging to not only be therapeutic for myself, but I suppose it allows others to get to know me in a way that may not be possible otherwise. For now I am just going to go with it and see where this blog world leads me.
Over the past couple of days I have had many incredible conversations with some very special women in my life. I thought I could summarize and share with others the remarkable effect people have on others lives, simply by sharing words of kindness, understanding, empathy and love. Here are a few of the recent interactions I have had of late that have made a great impact on my well being.
Last week while I was awaiting the news of my pathology report, it seemed that cancer was prevalent on my mind. Although it was what everyone was thinking about, no one wanted to talk about it, especially my direct family. I was experiencing so many distractions and thoughts of “what if?” but felt shut down whenever I brought it up. Then an amazing thing happened. A friend I had not spoken with in several months called and said that I was on her mind. She asked if I was OK and wanted to come by for a visit. It really worked out well because the day she was available to come for a visit was the first day I was to be home alone since the surgery. So she came over, brought some lunch and we spent the afternoon talking and sharing our most intimate thoughts. I know she sensed that I needed to talk and she allowed me to talk about cancer and open up about all of my “what if’s?” I’m not sure if it made her uncomfortable or not, but if it did, she sure didn’t show it and ya know, it really made a difference for me. Thanks friend for praying with me and for allowing me to get that off of my mind. You are a true gem and I love you for the genuine person that you are.
Last night I had the great pleasure in sharing conversation with a very insightful, intuitive and loving woman. We found that we have many similarities in beliefs, backgrounds and future endeavors. I think she may have opened my eyes to some things that I already knew, reinforcing my own intuitive side. She definitely calmed my fears about something alarming that has happened recently, but more than that she confirmed just how bright my future really is. This conversation led me to further explore the vulnerability that I have been feeling and helped me to focus on what is really important in this life. I’ve been sensing a shift in myself/my life and it was comforting to find that it is not just some internal trauma that I am experiencing. I left our conversation with a renewed sense of being and a calm that I rarely ever feel. Thank you, my friend. The time you spent with me meant more than you know. You are appreciated immensely and I look forward to our future conversations.
Today I went to see my counselor. I had not seen her in over a month. I’ve seen her fairly regularly for the past five or six years. I started seeing her years ago when I was suffering from anxiety and panic attacks (I no longer suffer from these). There have been several times throughout the years where I have taken a break, but I always come back. I think of her as a life coach that I can share absolutely everything with. I feel as if she is an old friend that knows me well. Going to see her is something I look forward to and she has become a constant in my life. She is interested in many of the things I am interested in and she always has a wealth of knowledge to contribute to our conversations. When I graduated from college, she came to my commencement to support me. It really meant the world to me. She has always been one of my greatest cheerleaders. She has seen me at my lowest points and at my highest peaks in this life. I am grateful to her for believing in me when I did not believe in myself. She always listens so intently and she remembers everything I have ever said. She uses my own words to reinforce current thoughts and feelings. She has always guided me into trusting my gut instincts and for all of these reasons; I love her and am thankful for having her in my life. Today was no exception. We had a really nice conversation and I am looking forward to my next visit. She even had a bouquet of flowers for me of daisies and sunflowers (two of my favorites). See, she knows what I like.
Lastly, while I was out and about today I decided to stop by and visit a great friend that I had not seen in some time. I told myself if I drove by and saw her car, I would stop. I did and she was there. She was as happy to see me as I was to see her. We shared hugs, love and conversation and it made my great day even better. She is a collector of angels and a very spiritual woman. I told her that she had been on my mind and also that I could not stop thinking about angels. She then said that it was meant to be that I stopped by today. I think so too! I also think that sometimes you don’t realize just how much you miss someone until you actually see them again. I have missed you friend, your compassion, sincerity and genuine friendship. I plan on seeing you again very soon.
Now back to that shift I mentioned earlier. All of this has got me thinking. I was thinking about how I am consumed in my own thoughts at times. I consider myself lucky to have a handful of friends that are truly there for me. I was thinking about how I am usually quite private and choose not to share my real thoughts with many people. I sometimes think that I don’t really have many friends. I think I am somewhat guarded and difficult to get to know. I sometimes think that there are very few people that I actually trust and even fewer that I could/would rely upon for anything worthwhile. But somehow, something inside me is shifting. I can feel it. I feel that after these past several days, these past several conversations I may just be changing my views of myself and my friendships. I think the people that have taken the time to be part of my life and actually get to know me are the ones that are going to be around for a long, long time…and for that I am thankful.
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