Sensitivity, Angels, and Friendship

Being sensitive is not always a blessing; in fact it can be a bit of a burden at times.  I don’t know if it is the fact that I can feel other people’s feelings and emotions or if it is simply being vulnerable that seems to drain me of my own energy, but whatever it is, it doesn’t always feel good. I’ve been told on many occasions that I need to learn how to protect my energies better, I’m just not quite sure how. For now though, I felt guided to place my facebook account on hold, so I deactivated it temporarily and so far it feels good.

I think that since I’ve been doing yoga more regularly I have opened up an even deeper emotional state in myself that allows me to be/feel even more open hearted than usual, yet it also attributes to me feeling more exposed, sensitive  and worn down in general.

I continue to struggle with my feelings of not fitting in. It is a real tough place to be. It doesn’t always bother me, but every once in a while it creeps back in and infects my thinking. I like to hang with Glenn, Sarah and Alex but there are times when I wish I had a best girlfriend to do girly stuff with. I am comfortable with myself and I like me the way I am. I just start to question myself as to whether I am not all that likeable to others. Maybe I’m not that approachable or easy to connect with. I don’t know, it sucks to dissect myself. I was looking over some older journal entries and it makes me sad to see that even several years ago I was yearning for friendships. I know Glenn is my best friend, but sadly, it doesn’t feel enough. I’m not sure what the reason is or why this is coming up now, but it is bothering me lately.

Whatever the reason, I feel as if I am on the mend. I started feeling overwhelmed with life, and then of course I became sick and needed essentially my entire carefree three day weekend to recover. So this past weekend I did not do much of anything but lay around and watch mindless tv in my sweats. It felt good to do nothing but I think this is all good indication that a vacation is way past overdue. Hawaii has infected my brain and is a recurring scenario in my mind. I am so tired of wearing socks and closed shoes. I am dreaming of sundresses, swimsuits, sandals…and Hawaii!

The weekend prior to this past weekend, I did take the time to make a second vision board. I mentioned it in my previous post that Sarah and I attended a party at a beautiful friend’s house where she was hosting a vision board party. Well, she had many different types of magazines from me and I was able to find so many wonderful images and phrases of the spiritual nature to include on the new spiritual vision board. I found so many angel things…my heart was singing an angel song.

Here it is for your viewing pleasure:

I hung them both behind my bedroom door and it is really amazing at how just looking at these affirmations starts the day of beautifully. I know it may look a bit busy, but I like it. It seems to fill my soul with happiness and good feelings. It makes me smile each time I look at these posters. Luckily with their strategic placement, they are the last thing I see before I fall to sleep and the first thing I see when I wake up.

I found so much joy in creating these boards that I have decided to be more creative, more often and I am considering bringing some angel crafts to the Santa Clara Art & Wine Festival next fall. I am going to start on all of my crafty things now so that I can rent a booth and be part of the big fun next year. I have lots of creative angel inspired ideas, and I like having a goal with a purpose. Again, that’s just a taste of my big idea, but I will continue to share as it all unfolds. Wait until you see the goodies I have in mind!

For now, that’s all I have on my mind. I am going to keep plugging along as happily as possible and doing what I do best…just being me.

Until next time,

Make someone’s day by simply smiling at them and showing you care.

Live, love, laugh and light,

Lisa

Back to Work and More!

This past week was back to work with the sweet and needy second graders. Though I was dreading getting back into the swing of things, it was remarkably more simple (aside from waking up early) than I anticipated. It honestly felt as if I never left. It also reinforced just how much I missed all of my little sweeties.  I have a very sensitive and thoughtful group of students and this week I got lots of hugs and love from them. They enjoy sharing their lives with me and sometimes I get an earful of unexpected information. For instance, while sitting in circle and sharing with each other about  holiday break, most students shared stories of visiting family, attending parties, receiving wonderful gifts from Santa and general pleasantries. However, there were a couple of awkward surprises. First one of my students shared that her uncle was so drunk and mean at a family get together that she wished he didn’t come to visit. Another student told me of her grandmother’s car accident that led to a drunk driving citation with her in the backseat, and having to spend the afternoon at the police department…and still one more student shared with me that his mother’s car was stolen on Christmas day(possibly by his father)!  It is sometimes hard for me, but I need to remember that these students live in a very different environment than my own children. I also need to remember that they have no filters when it comes to sharing and will openly tell me anything and everything, whether positive or negative. I always respond positively, but I do find that I get caught off guard on occasion.

On another note, Saturday mornings are my WW weigh in days. I attend a small meeting close by my house that I really enjoy. We have a great leader, a delightful receptionist and a nice group of members. They keep me going. For the past three weeks though, I have gained a small amount. I promised myself that I would not get caught up in the numbers, yet I am finding that I am being a bit negative with myself. I have to remember that I am not defined by a number. It is so easy to say, but more difficult to embed in your mind. For now, I am going to do what I know works best. I will track all of my meals and snacks, drink my water, work out regularly and include fruits and vegetables at every meal. Sounds simple doesn’t it? It is, and it would be if only I could stick to it each and every day. Either way, I continue to show up and attend weekly, listen and share with others and allow myself a fresh start each week for a healthier and improved week ahead.

Lastly, over the past week Sarah and I attended a vision board get together at the home of a lovely friend of mine. It was such perfect timing since I had just done that very activity the week prior. She added a bit more insight into the process that makes it even more worthwhile. She had us do this mindful process of reflecting on the past year and listing some of the successes and shortcomings. We then did something similar in projecting for the coming year. I found it to be a fantastic addition to what I had already done and I plan to tape it to the back of my board. I also decided that I am making another board specifically for my spirit/angel work, as she had many ideal magazines to choose from for that purpose. I promise to post it as soon as it is complete. IT IS GOING TO LOOK SO GOOD!

That’s it for now. I am off to enjoy this beautiful Saturday with my family. I don’t have any specific big plans, but I do know that I am going to have a great day. I may even go out to dinner with my sweetheart tonight.

Until next time…Dream Big, Shoot for the Stars, Believe in yourself, and never ever underestimate the power of love!

Live, love, laugh and light-

Lisa

Vision Board and more!

I thought I would share the vision board I completed yesterday. It feels strange for me to call it a “vision board” but that is the way it was introduced to me. I see it more as a wish list for the New Year, a compilation of the things that are important to me. 

First, let me say how wonderfully therapeutic it felt to cut out and configure all of these fantastic images, phrases and little cutie things that I enjoy. It was truly a labor of love. I did not want to complete this undertaking. I also discovered (what I already am aware of), or rather confirmed that I prefer the written language as compared to images. It seems that I found more phrases and words that were meaningful to me than I was able to find pictures. I think because I can envision my own images that are connected to the phrases and my own view and/or imagination is far more creative than what I was able to find. So, as you can see, my “wish list” is full of significant positive affirmations that speak directly to me.

This project was so much better than simply creating a list of resolutions (and I like to make lists) because it made me use my creativity. I can visualize seeing myself doing this each year, creating my own tradition and reflecting on the past years progress/fruition etc. 

I don’t know how well you can view all of the small things on my board, but I am sure with careful observation, you can see what is on my mind for the coming year. I really wasn’t even sure of what it was I was going to add to this board until I began looking, but now it all makes perfect sense. Now after completion, I am ready to list my main aspirations for the coming year.

Here goes:

• Save money $; Now that I finally have a professional position doing what it is I have trained for, I want to build my savings up so that we as a family can afford to do things that we enjoy as well as better prepare for unexpected setbacks. I also want to continue to outright pay for my children’s education so that when they get into the real world they are not burdened with debt.

 

• Health: this includes continuing to eat clean and healthy, incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my daily intake, remain accountable by weighing in each week at my Weight Watchers meeting. Though I have changed my view from solely weight loss focused, I am on a quest to continue this weight loss journey. However, it has become so much more to me. Now it’s about feeling good as opposed to just looking good.

• Exercise: I am the first to admit it; I can easily become lazy and accustomed to doing nothing if I have nothing to do. I do, on the other hand appreciate how good I feel when I am exercising and taking care of my body. So this year, I plan to make myself do the things I love, including yoga, bike riding, walking, attending my gym, (Sherri’s Gym…the best gym in the world for ladies) where Sarah has joined with me as a great buddy incentive, and someday attaining my dream of becoming a runner.

 

•  Being in the best shape of my life: mind, body and spirit. Mind you, I like to look like a sexy pin up girl in my bathing suits, but I also need to have a calm, quiet and focused mind so that I can continue working on me and living my best life. I plan to continue my spiritual/angel work and even have a new venture in mind! I’ll update as it unfolds.

• Vacation/Travel; I sure love to have fun things to look forward to and vacation is one of the most encouraging and motivating ways for me to stay on track. Having something ahead that is fulfilling really keeps me going. It gives me a chance to spend concentrated time with my busy, busy children. This year I am taking all of the kids (my kids + their significant others) to Disneyland for a long weekend of fun, since we’ve been talking about it forever. Another plan is that I am scheduling a trip to Las Vegas for Glenn and I as I have a good friend from high school that is getting married in April, so of course I plan on attending and seeing all of my old friends. I am also in the works for a 10 day Hawaiian get-a-way during the summer since I have two graduating seniors this year and our family really likes Hawaii. Who knows what else will pop up? For now, I’m just keeping an open mind.

There are plenty more “little things” that are incorporated into the board, but that’s the gist of it. I feel confident that these are all realistic and attainable goals that I will be able to achieve in the coming year. It looks like a mighty fine year ahead for this girl!

So please, do yourself a favor and make a wish board for the New Year and if you do, please share with me.

If you don’t ask the universe, you don’t get!

Dare to dream. Set your sights high and shoot for the stars-

Live, love, laugh-

Lisa

New Year, New Me!

Here it is, the first day of the new year, 2013. I plan on having a wonderful year. 2012 felt like a long a difficult year, especially the end of it. I'm hoping that this fresh start will be good for all. I am going to attempt to document my life in a place that is accessible to others, in hopes that my sharing will be of assistance to those that are interested.

 In 2011, I took drastic measures to lose weight, and I was successful in losing approximately 40 pounds. I was not able to maintain that entire loss as it was not done in a healthy, sustainable way. I am determined this year to obtain the best, most realistic way of becoming the healthiest me possible.

Yesterday I sat down to tear out magazine pictures in order to create a "vision board" for the new year. I wasn't even sure what it was going to be about. My plan was sort of a non-plan to just pull out pictures that were meaningful to me. It quickly became apparent that my new year vision board was about getting my body in the best shape possible, as most of the pictures and phrases that were calling out to me had to do with healthy eating and exercise.

 I'm not one to make resolutions (mostly because I think that every day is an opportunity to be your best) but I am determined to be the healthiest me I can be and this is the year I am certain I will obtain my goal.

 Last year I spent a lot of my time reawakening and developing a deeper spiritual side of myself and I feel that in doing so, it has put me in a place that is more in tune with my physical body, my heart, and my soul. I have absolutely become more sensitive to how my body feels in response to specific foods and stress. This is certainly a blessing in that it has changed my view of the past ultimate goal of simply "losing weight" to rather "gaining health."

 This year I commit to gaining health and being the best possible me I can be. Please join me and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2012, Here I come!

I am the first to admit it…I am a terrible blogger. As much as I would like to be consistent, I’m just not. It is always in the back of my mind to document this or that, but I get so busy that I hardly allow myself any down time. Today is actually the first unplanned day that I have not absorbed with busyness in three weeks. I had a quiet day last Sunday, but I filled every moment of it with something and it ended up being anything but a quiet down day.

Now that I have been feeling well, I have taken on a second teaching position. Not that I needed another job. I was simply seeing what else might be available to me. I even rescheduled my interview TWICE because other things kept coming up. I told myself that I would listen to what she had to offer and then take some time to think about it. I even rehearsed my response in the car on the way to the interview promising myself not to jump into anything, but rather to talk it over with Glenn and really ponder how taking on a second job would affect my life and the healing I have been going through. However, as soon as I arrived I knew that I really, really liked the girl I would be working for. She owns a tutoring center and only hires credentialed teachers. She pays really well and it seemed like I wouldn’t need to give up too many hours per week of my time. What really reeled me in tough was the fact that she sends her employees out to the low income schools to tutor the struggling students. OMG WOW! This is exactly the kind of work I live for. So, I suppose I needn’t even say that my plan to think it over went right out the window. And, flattery always works with me. She said that she looks for a “sparkle” in her employees, but she said that I do not just sparkle, I “shine.” She won me over. It is a twelve week contract position that should be complete towards the end of March. She said that she wants to keep me to work in the center afterwards, but we’ll see. I’m kinda tired. My afternoons have now been consumed with tutoring ten students in either math or language arts skills. It makes for a much longer day, but I feel good about it, like I am really making a difference

Beyond that, there are several other great projects I am working on. First of all, my children’s book, Ozzy and Crackers is really coming along. I anticipate it actually coming to fruition in several months. Sarah has agreed to be my illustrator and I couldn’t be happier. She knows just how I want my images portrayed. I think the only setback will be that Sarah is so busy herself that getting serious about the book will take up a lot of her time, so I will just need to be patient. We are also both joining the SCBWI which is the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. Through serendipity, we have even met with the regional director of our local chapter and it looks like Sarah may even intern this summer at her publishing house. It really is amazing to me how you can merely “ask” the universe for things and they seem to materialize.

The other cool thing I am doing right now is teaching adults to read. My local library sponsors this program called Read Santa Clara and I have been interested in participating for a long time, but never had the time. I recently came across the flyer that I had picked up eighteen months ago and decided to look it up. I did and found that I had missed the most current orientation by only several days. My little voice told me to call and email anyway, so I did. Not ten minutes later the program coordinator called to tell me that if I were still interested she would hold a private orientation for me on that particular day. She also told me that the training started the following day. So this is part of the reason I have not been able to relax and have a down day. My last couple weekends have had me training to teach adults to read. I really cannot wait to be matched up with a learner. I think that this may turn out to be my most rewarding endeavor ever!

As for my work at Mulberry, after Christmas it seemed that there was not enough real work for me to do. It was apparent that the lady I aide for didn’t really need me there. I know that the ratio numbers say otherwise, but she can handle the class all by herself. It came down to the point where she was running out of things for me to do and resorting to mindless tasks like asking me to sharpen pencils, dust shelves and clean out the sink. Mind you, I am not above doing any of these tasks, but I started feeling super bleak about the future. I mean, it was only January and she had already run out of work for me. I was also spending many a morning sitting and watching her lead lessons while I had absolutely nothing to do. I tell ya, it is awful hard to get up at six am knowing that I had an entire shift of nothing ahead of me. I like having something to do and now my something was turning out to be nothing. I ended up going into the office to talk to the head of the school and the operations manager. I told them that I would type up my resignation more formally, but that I was giving my notice as I felt that I wasn’t really needed. They both actually asked me to hold that thought and give them some time to sort it out. They told me that I am loved by the community, the staff and also by all the students and that they do not want to lose me. They said that if I could not be put to use in my assigned classroom, then I could tutor language arts to the struggling students in all of the other classrooms. I agreed, we worked it, out and I have been busy ever since doing worthwhile, valuable work. Actually this past week I completed all of the third graders reading assessments for the second time. It was incredibly rewarding to see documented evidence of student progress in three months time. (I had done them for all students previously in November). I am also being requested by the second grade to conduct some of her more difficult reading assessments, so now I definitely feel more useful.

Lastly, I had a really nice Christmas. It was one of the quietest I’ve ever had, but definitely one of the best. I was able to get my sweet little nephew for a long visit and that was very special. I spent a lot of time relaxing and trying not to get caught up in all of the materialism. I felt like I didn’t get out shopping until late, due to busyness and a tight schedule, but it all fell into place in the end. It wasn’t the norm, but we did see all of our family, spend lots of wonderful time together and we all enjoyed having some time off.

I plan on having one of my best years ever. 2012 has so much promise.

My next blog is a work in progress. I’ve started it twice, but cannot seem to find the right words. It is about my spirituality and my belief in angels. I want to share, but it seems to be so intimate and personal to me that I need to have just the right words.

Wait and see…

I'm Still Here

I’ve not disappeared.

I’m still here, plugging along, working on feeling my best and continuing to be the best me I can be.

Since I have returned from my vacation, I have gained and lost-gained and lost the SAME 6 POUNDS at least three times. As of last week, I am fully recommitted to my Weight Watchers plan. I am still in search of the best meeting and time, but I have not given up.

I have also had a little bit of a recurrence in my health issues, but I don’t feel the need to elaborate just now. I will say that the week prior to Thanksgiving I was required to have an additional ultrasound due to some crappy circumstances, but again, it turned out to be OK. For now, I am just hoping that all will remain clean and I will not need to have another uterine biopsy, so please send out love and light in my direction.

My Thanksgiving was wonderful. For the first time ever, we decided to go out to eat at Mariani’s, as I wasn’t feeling like shopping and cooking this year. It was truly magnificent. I was able to sleep in, drink my coffee slowly while watching the parade and actually take my time in getting ready. My brother and his girlfriend also came along. We didn’t have to set up or clean up, just show up. It felt absolutely brilliant! I did have my share of mimosas and champagne, which is a little unusual, but definitely fun.

Glenn turned forty eight last weekend and we helped him clean up the garage, per his birthday request. It was super low key. He wanted me to make him some chicken fajitas, sugar cookies and gingerbread cookies, so that’s what I did!

The most exciting thing that is currently happening in my life right now is that for about five years I have been composing books for children with the thought that I would someday become a published author. I don’t ever mention it because it has always seemed like more of a hobby or simply a dream as opposed to a reality. Lately though things have been changing, I’ve been meeting people that have not only encouraged me to pursue this dream, but have actually helped me to make some connections in the publishing world. I have not one, but two upcoming meetings with some reputable children’s authors and publishers in the next week or so. Each meeting is a little bit different, for different aspects of writing, but both are avenues to obtaining the same outcome. The thought of all this actually happening for me is completely consuming. I suppose if I were never to try, I would never know.

It’s funny where life leads you. You just need to be aware of the signs, follow the leads and “trust” that inner guidance because that “gut feeling” is real.

Follow your dreams, shoot for the stars and never ever stop believing in your highest potential.

Cheers until next time-

Lisa

October Came and Went So Quickly

It seems that every time I have meant to sit down and type up something new, my time becomes consumed or I am too tired to do so. It’s not that I have nothing going on, or have nothing to report (because I always do); I am still not in the habit of blogging. I really am trying to be consistent.

October may just be my favorite month of all. It represents the coming of fall for me (which happens to be my favorite season of all), the anniversary of our wedding day, my birthday, Halloween and promise of the coming holidays. It seems that October is the shifting point of the year for me and I absolutely love it! I should also mention that here in the bay area, October is the most amazing month for weather. To the north, San Francisco has clear, fogless days and to the south, Santa Cruz has sunny beach days that bring the magnificent ocean animals in close to the shore, such as the humpback whales and the dolphins. October is fantastic!

This October was no exception. Though I am still on the mend, I have enjoyed my past few weeks immensely. Our anniversary was kinda uneventful, but that was my choice. We ordered pizza, watched movies in our comfy pj’s and simply enjoyed each other’s company, and talked about how pleased we are with how our lives have turned out thus far. We are both thankful and blessed in this life.

My job has continued to become a place of solace and refuge. It really has been amazing to experience so many good things in one place. I have definitely bonded with all of the children in my class, as well as with the teacher I am working with and the other staff members. But beyond that I have been able to create several art pieces that I am quite proud of. My most favorite thing of all so far is a ceramic pumpkin that I was able to make. She has a glamorous face and she is so shiny and beautiful. I’ve never made anything quite like this before! The school has a kiln for ceramics! I feel like being there is allowing me to be nurtured in the perfect way. I have also been able to put my tutoring and language arts skills to use as I have been doing all of the reading assessments for the students. It is working out perfectly, because since I am not juggling my time between teaching the class and assessing, I have more time to invest and I can absolutely individualize each and every student’s needs. I really cannot say enough good things about my job. The Mulberry School is magical!

My birthday was also last week and it was celebrated in the perfect Lisa kind of way. My children made me some pink cupcakes and again we ordered pizza because it was a work day and I have been tired upon my return each day. I spent a small bundle on some books I have been wanting and also treated myself to this crystal, chakra pendant I have had my eye on. I also had a reading done at my favorite metaphysical bookstore. Glenn, Sarah and Alex gave me some other books I had on my list, so I’ve got a lot of reading material on the horizon. Then on the weekend, we went out to the Fish Market (one of my favorite restaurants) to celebrate with family and friends. It is also Sarah’s boyfriend Kevin’s birthday the day after mine. I turned 44 and he turned 22. I thought this was meaningful in that he is now half my age, or I am twice his age. Either way, we all had fun and enjoyed our nice dinner celebration.

Halloween is always fun. I especially love the fact that I work at an elementary school because I get to see all of the sweeties in their costumes. They are all so excited to look like their favorite princess or superhero. What comes to mind as a favorite costume this year was a little girl dressed up as Rapunzel. She had the most beautiful handmade wig of long, wavy, blondish hair with flowers infused throughout. It was gorgeous and she looked like a real live princess. I went this year as Fiona (minus the green skin) from Shrek because I have the perfect green Renaissance dress. I really wanted to be Mary Poppins, but I could not find the perfect overcoat and was not in the best shape for shopping around this year. Maybe next year I will either be Mary Poppins or the Tooth Fairy. Alex went as a Rabbi and Sarah and Kevin went as bats. Glenn wore the same creepy mask he’s been wearing for years to hand out candy.

October has also brought me some new acquaintances that are fun. At Mulberry, I have met many nice and friendly people, but there are a few that stand out as favorites. I’ve even been invited to audition for adult theater, so who knows, maybe I’ll do it. Aside from school, I’ve made some great connections to a handful of people in the metaphysical community I have been spending my time with.

Now though with October behind me, I’ve got November to consider and I am feeling more like myself each and every day.

A couple of things I am working on include:

-My continued weight loss efforts

-The Story of Glenn and Lisa

-Angels and Spirituality

-A Sense of Belonging

-Fibromyalgia (my take on it)

-Future Endeavors

So, I will leave you all with a wish for a peaceful and fulfilling upcoming holiday season.

Live, love, laugh and light-

Lisa