New fresh Start (originally dated 4/12/11)

Greetings and welcome to my private thoughts-

I have recently joined a cohort in my local hospital that had been referred to me by my general practitioner. I can hardly believe it myself, but I am going to begin four months of a medically supervised liquid fast. My emotions have gone from curiosity, to complete interest, to elated excitement (that my husband and children are so incredibly supportive), to nervousness (now that I have committed and taken the plunge). I suppose my nervousness can be defined as nervous excitement.

The prospect of uncovering my former self is both scary as well as promising. I have been carrying approximately 75-90 extra pounds on my 5’7″ frame for the past fifteen years. Though I consider myself curvy and shapely, I could never surrender to living out my life in this body. I have always felt that I deserve better. My sweet husband has always made me feel as if I am the most beautiful woman in the room and as much as I love that, I need to feel it myself. I feel that I have lost my former sexy, attractive self somewhere in my late 20′s.

Fast forward to the current me, in my early 40′s. I consider myself lucky in love as I have been married to the most wonderful man, who is also my best friend in this life, for the past 22 years. I am blessed beyond belief with my two fantastic children. Both of which are well adjusted, smart and articulate. I live in a beautiful neighborhood in California where I can enjoy the mountains or the beach, all within an hours drive. I have two Australian Cattle/Shepherd dogs that fill my days with joy and I have just recently completed my life’s dream of completing college. I am now a credentialed teacher in hopes of obtaining a position for the fall.

All of these wonderful factors attribute to the “me” I am today and I truly am happy in this life. However, after the birth of my youngest I suffered some serious health problems (which I may address at a later time) that took me a very long time to recover from. Luckily, my child remained healthy throughout my difficulties and has continued to thrive. I, on the other hand, have never been quite the same. I have continued to complain to my doctor about joint pain, extreme fatigue, weight gain and a plethora of other things. Last year I was diagnosed with *Fibromyalgia, which I am still apprehensive to accept, as I feel that it is an answer when the doctor cannot really determine an answer for all of my ailments.

*I will address the fibro stuff in another post.

I feel that I can deal with the joint pain, fatigue and what not, but getting fat is not in the cards for me. I hate feeling like this! I have tried absolutely everything to get back to the old me. I have been on Weight Watchers for what feels like forever. I joined Jenny Craig for a while. I have walked half marathons and 3 day cancer walks, taken Jazzercise classes, hell I even taught water aerobics at the YMCA. I grocery shop and cook healthy meals for my family EVERY NIGHT, I track and monitor what I eat, yet I have struggled to lose the unwanted pounds. I am the only person in my entire family that is overweight and I resolve to overcome this.

My doctor knows how hard I have tried and how difficult a time I have had. Several months ago she suggested the Medical Weight Management (MWM) program to me. At the time I felt it was too expensive and I assumed that my husband would agree with me that the cost was too much for our family. I’m not really sure what changed my mind, but I could not stop thinking about it. About a month ago, my husband and I hired a personal trainer to help us get in great shape. We both agreed that even though it was costly, WE WERE WORTH IT…OUR HEALTH WAS WORTH IT! AHA! Wasn’t I worth it? Isn’t my own health and heart worth it? So I decided to approach my sweetheart with the MWM information and to ask if he would attend an orientation meeting with me. To my surprise, he was so agreeable and we looked for the next meeting time. That was two weeks ago. I have since been accepted to the MWM group and have attended the first meeting last Thursday. This coming Thursday I will pick up my liquid meals for the following week and I shall start my new venture.

Unbelievably, my husband wanted to know why I had not presented him with this information earlier. He is behind me 100%, as are my children.

I feel that with dedication and determination, I cannot not be successful!

Wish me well and I will continue to update my journey right here.

Live, Love, Laugh~ (and lose)
Lisa